three dimensional viewer

Song of Goodness: Barenaked Ladies - When You Dream

What I love about vrml.

I always wish that I could create that beautiful, serene look and feeling with vrml. I've seen many creators do it and it's so gorgeous.. it's the same feeling that this song When You Dream invokes.. the visual feelings you get during the peaceful quiet times in the LotR movies..

tranquility

and the feeling of soft, bright, gentle, creamy colors

MMmmmm..

I really wish to someday make a beautiful serene castle sanctuary.

It's difficult since my creations always come out boxy and too severely colored.. too dark.

Perhaps one day I'll be able to create it.. and then the feeling will be soo intense that I will sit and look, and feel and become lost.. maybe I'll be so lost in the moment that I'll stop breathing

and die

A lady teaching a lesson today had tremors in her arm...

all I wanted to do was go to her, kneel at her feet and massage it away...

I'm 'Kirking' you

James: "Ah! They didn't get the Zesty kind! I specifically asked for them!"
Me: Hahaha! (When I asked for Regular, they got Zesty and we both know this.)
James: "What must I do?"
Me: "Maybe put a 'Zesty' sticker on them to keep me from eating them..." *EG*
James" I just might.."


James: "Rah!" *He puts his hands together and pretends to pound my back*
Me: "What are you doing?"
James: "I'm Kirking you!" *a pretended jump kick and he rebounds to the floor*
Me: "What?!?"
James: "You know, what James T Kirk does... haha.. When diplomacy fails, it's Kirking time!"


So when I gave my mom a brief summary of what my dreams were of last night she said that it wa just a manisfitation of my inquisitive nature. ["You never really figure out what happens, right? Just like real life, no on can ever answer anything to your satisfaction".] She also thinks that they show that I still want to go to Star Fleet Academy and become a scientist. Hmm..

cookies are yummy

Song of Goodness: The Wrens - Happy
Interesting song. Lots going on...

The Dream Team

So, the earliest I can remember: I had moved somewhere west.. perhaps California or North Dakota or somewhere.. it was not anywhere near the ocean. I think I was going to college there or something. I think that I was on a school basketball team, I clearly remember running around in a gym and passing balls around and sweatbands. I think that we traveled to some sort of outside tournament... I rememebr sitting in bleachers and grass... thousands of people around me were dressed up in vibrant colors and holding hand made signs. I felt kind of like those big cheerleading tournaments only I think it was football. I talked to some girl people I knew... I think I bragged at how some big basketball players from Michigan and New York if placed on the same team would extinguish any competition. I went all out, saying this guy can 'slang term' this guy with his hands behind his back. I was wuite surprised that I knew all this. My real self expected to get beat up but the people I spoke to seemed to except it and were slightly impressed.

Scene change. I went to work in a mall at The Bath + Body store. I had the little apron thingy and everything. Not very crowded. At the enterance one of my friends walked in with her date. She was in her early 20s, black and had one of those cute poof ball hair-dos. Her date was a sticky young man who like maybe Scottish. They kinda reminded me of a younger, hipper version of Uhura and Scotty from Star Trek. I felt that this wasn't the type of store that they both would appreciate so I turned it into a music store. The apron disappeared and I no longer worked there. I approached my friend, they had gotten into some sort of disagreement and the guy left. Worried that my friend was upset, I decided to walk her back home. We walked through the mall to one of the exits, this exit was lovely with a glass ceilingand outside. I suppose that the mall and the place we wanted to go was connected with a path or something because it was very close. The ground was covered with snow so I couldn't really tell. We walked around a large mound of snow (a mountain!) towards our hidden destination. The snow mound now hid the mall the way it had hid our destination before. Around us, it looked as if we were stranded in the middle of nowhere with only an entrance before us. Perhaps a temp fortress. A (ice?) wall made out of ice bricks stuck together in front of a white dome opening. The concrete ground and shallow steps before it had been shoveled off but still were dusted with snow. The sun was disappearing and it started to flurry. A young guy at the top of the ice wall called out to us. I had a feeling that he was on our side and just wanted us inside quickly.

I wanted us inside quickly but my friend had spotted a moving blue bundle on the steps. She picked it up. It was a little baby boy. Needless to say, she was very happy and rocked it in her arms. I was feeling a little anxious and tried to encourage her to enter. She somehow produced a bottle and fed the baby, cooing to it. Somehow I guided her inside. We were in a darkened hallway. In front of us was a doorway leading into a brightly lit room with people in. I coaxed to go into it, sickbay I knew. We had to report this new occurance. The room was large and lit kinda yellowish. The walls looked like they were made of cinderblocks. Tables filled the room holding plastic crates of records. A young taskforce team sat on the nearest tables on the left, still in their green camo uniforms and joking loudly.

On an area on the wall on the left was a medical area. Equipment and clear windows covered the walls and a doorway lead further into more medical rooms and an office. A young doctor in a blue lab coat finished with a member of he taskforce and he joined his mates. She then walked over to us. She reminded me of a young Dr. Beverly Crusher from TNG. "Ah, another one? Just put it over there." An assistant came over and took care of my friend and the baby. "That's the __ number this week!" A young Riker came into the room to check in. He even had a beard. "How's little TJ doing?" he asked and looked into one window that showed a baby in a yellow terry cloth outfit, complete with cap on a diagnosis bed. He checked in and then left saying that he had a meeting to get to. The Doctor had a anxious, tired, perplexed look on her face and she told her assistant to finish up for her. I follwed her out of the room and into the darkened hallway. We turned right, further into the complex. There were no windows. As we walked, we started to speak about that was going on. I got the impression that I was her friend and that I was more than an Ensign but below a Commander.

I recalled that our ship had gotten stranded here and how in a conversation with one of the people of the planet, he had goofed up and when we mentioned one of our scans he had said that there were 700 more of something than there should be. I suspected a Plot. I was immediatly worried when the Doctor said that she was going to do a study and visit the top surface. As we walked light beams over head appreared and became more numerous the deeper in we traveled. I wanted to warn her to the possibility of danger and perhaps being pulled into the same problem that Riker and my friend had but before I could express myself properly, a couple of girls joined us. I got the feeling that Crusher was popular. It was this time that I noticed that I was still wearing a very heavy coat, carried a big shopping bag and was kneeling on a hover tray*. Knowing that my manuverablity was limited in such conditions I immediatly tried to get off the tray and get it to carry my stuff instead. When I tried to drape my coat over it, it shot to the ceiling. Someone made a funny comment about fur or something that I didn't get and when I asked about it, they pointed up at the hover craft. I was slightly embarrased to note that it had a black and shinny fur covering. I spotted a leopard print on the left side and a cow one on the right. I was resigned to the fate that I would have to maintain physical contact with the tray if I wanted it to obey me easily. I noticed that by this point that our group had attracted several more girls and that our party had grown to about 7 people. I squashed any feelings of jealousy that they were taking away the time I had to talk to Crusher with their little silly gossip talk. The hallway was warm and well lit by this point. The floor was carpeted. We turned left. I noticed that Jean and Kim (from Paramus who was in my math class.. wore glasses had an upturned nose and wore cool colorful clothes..later seeen at lhu) were in the group. I was glad that Jean was in the group and I felt as if she was just as worried as I was about the Plot. Kim was on a pair of crutches. Suddenly a group of guys (a soccer team?) ran through our group and left us a little bit annoyed and disoriented.

We traveled a little bit further to a lift (elevator) and pressed the button to call it. We entered it, and I think I brought the tray in with me. The life was spacious and easily held all of us comfortably. I wanted to talk to Crusher again and try to warn her but I was hesitant to do so in front of the others. We traveled up to the top floor and somehow, in all the hussle and bustle not everyone was able to exit the lift. I was dismayed that along with Jean and I was unable to exit the elevator before it started to close. I hoped that Crusher would wait for me before exiting the building. I felt that it was crucial that I see her off. Kim had left her crutches in the elevator when she was swept out earlier and one leaned against the elevator back wall while the other was on the floor. The elevator started to move back downwards and I hoped that it wouldn't go far. I was very upset that it then traveled all the way down to the 20's. It would take forever to make it all the way back up and Crusher would be long gone by then. At level 22 the doors opened. A guy dressed up in mine outfit entered. Kim's boyfriend I thought. He knodded hello and picked up the forgotten crutches, I suppose he recognized them. I turned towards the doors to see if any of the people in the pandemonium outside them would enter as well. A lady with her pooch looked at me as if she was waiting for permisison to enter. I suppose my look gave it because she entered and then the doors closed again.

I hoped fervently that he elevator wouldn't make any more stops or travel up and down before I got back up to the top. If I got back up quick enough, i might be able to run outside and catch up with Crusher, to make sure that she would be alright. Then I woke up.


*levatation is a reoccuring theme in my dreams. It is surprising but not unexpected to find myself floating around somewhere. I usually try to end it as soon as I notice, so as not to get caught. Generally, it is something that is produced in a higher, fuzzy state of mind and I have not produced such a state on purpose since I was a child. As such, it is difficult to control in my dreams and produces some anxiety.

book writing..

So my mom is writing a book... she wanted me to give her a list of the major genres in music. I think that my brother and I were able to impress on her the complete impossibilty of doing such a thing. It turns out that the character in her next book is a pianist that has amnesia and can't rememebr what type of music she likes. My mom goes on to say that she wants her to go on a computer and listen to all different tpes of music or something. The more obscure, the better. I couldn't manage to contain myself and I laughed outloud. The only way you manage to discover 'obscure' music worth listening to is from friends... type anything in any serach and all you get are ads for popular music. People in chat room rarely answer you directly if they don't know you. An example of this: the other day I entered an 'Indie' chatroom in Soulseek. I wanted to find a good song to listen to of Middle eastern or Indian origin. I asked if anyone knew of one.. they ignored me and kept talking about I don't even know what it was about. After 30 minutes I changed my question to ask them what their favourite song was.. still no answer. At this time I gave up since they could have responded to me and I wouldn't be able to tell if it was a song title, a comment to another person or a rude comment.

So I decided that I could just gather up all my CDs up and explain the different music styles that I have collected. On one of my Random CDs, I explained Eminem and how good I thougt he was. Maybe she wanted to noticed how much I respected him as a 'musician' and wanted to have the same because the next thing she said was that she could rap too. Parents often do silly things. James and I said she was silly... I knew that she wouldn't understand anything a rapper said, let alone able to produce her own. I then proceeded to recite one of Enimen's lines in My Dad's Gone Crazy you know the one that goes what do I gotta do to get through to you to show you that there ain't nothing i can't take this chainsaw to?.. and told her to repeat it. Needless to say, she butchered it, adding words, repeating others and using correct grammer in an attempt to recreate the rhythm. As James and I laughed she then stated that she had no rhythm. It's ok, I forgive her. Everyone thinks that they can rap. I'll be the first to admit that I cannot.

I then proceeded to show her examples of music that she normally did not listen to. By that, I mean everything I listen to that isn't Classical, Hildegard, Celtic or The Beatles. After listening to some Spanish music, she complained of a headache and a stomach ache. I'll admit that I was slightly amused. I then played some soul, R&B, and rock. She likes some rock. We ended with Yoko Kanno, who she said created songs that were variations of other famous classical stuff, and that she was good at soundtrack type music. Grr.

I get the feeling that she thnks that I should go into a music career.. she keeps hinting about how my brother and I should create a band together (done already, White Stripes!) and how if I listen to music all day I should get a job at a record company and get paid for it (yeah right). How I could be a back-up singer for Enya or join an early music group...

GRR!

I was so freakin mad a minute ago.. as with any strong emotion, the moment I looked at it, it disapated.

I had posted a dream post but Stupid*kicks*dumb Netzero had disconnected and when I clicked the post it was all lost. Grrr..

I'm too lazy to type it all out again... three paragraphs lost! It was about shopping in a grocery store with my family and one of my mom's friends. We got into the cars and the old car that I was in with my stepday.. well we drove through a movie theater! I mean indoors on a carpet. The light at the left was red so we had to wait for it to change. I really wanted some sugar so I looked up at the concession sign and hinted that I wanted some kind of icecream.. I picked really fast because I didn't want to make us miss the light... so I ordered a soft, droppy vanilla icecream cone, that was supposed to have red and blue mist sprayed on it but had solid dye inside instead. We drove off but I thought, that should have taken too long and I should have been left behind so the dream changed. I got left behind.. the car disapeared and I discovered that I was sitting in a boxy brown leather armchair and my left wrist was handcuffed to it. I threw out the yucky icecream, I didn't really like it, dismissed the girl that gave it to me earlier (I noticed that she was wearing a dress and that I was too.. only a bit more Sundayish). I traveled up some hallways, opened some doors while hopping/dragging the armchair... finally found some missionaries in a meeting with their stake president or something and blacked out. Weird.

At the time, finding myself handcuffed to a chair didn't overly bother me. In retrospect, it bothers me a lot. Really a lot.

quizza

What Is Your Animal Personality?
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Did I mention that I bought a Muse CD the other day? More like my brother went to the mall and brought me back it. hehe.. It's Muse - Absolution and the inside cover art is crazy. Too many words used as backgrounds and art woven into the displayed lyrics.

Harry Potter angst pain...

Forgive my redundancy and unskillfullness in the usage of the English language... the best way to become a better writer and communicator, is to practice and I'm afraid that I have quite a bit of practice to go...


I watched a few short scenes of 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' on TV today and I was thinking about this... there must be two totally different aspects, sides, dimensions to Harry Potter. The first side is that Sugary-goodness that is happiness and adventure swelling inside you, a child-like joy and pure delight. The feeling that says, See, they belong together, they're friends and could never come apart, their safe and protected'. That the good grownups have nothing but love for the children and would comfort them, rock them to sleep from nightmares and would never let the bad guys prevail... like so many other childrens' books and adventures... candy adventures. The first two movies, and probably the third also, give off this magical side feeling.

The second side is that darker dimension of good intensions, real-life, tragedy, the failings of humankind.

_{To err is human...}

This part is the darker dimension. It is made up of twists and turns and utter tragedy and angst that creates that ^{itch inside that makes you want to impale yourself on a broom.} This is the part that was so obviously there in the third, fourth and fith books... sticking up in your face like a sign if you noticed. If you looked. This is the part that made you feel suffocated in the helplessness of it all to help, the stupid mistakes that had such profound effects. Life. The part that is expounded upon, and only explorered fully in fanfiction... The thousands of 'what-if's and 'could've-beens' all combining to create a type of mental asphyxia in their sheer number and repercussions. This side is full of theories and plots covered up by the goodguys, who we find aren't really good... fics exploring what was hushed up or only brushed over in the novels... (Daddy's Favorite)

The dark side. Where grown-ups play. No unicorns or pixies frolick here, this side is full of murder and torture and smut. Where the consequences of adventures and getting caught are truly explored and everything falls apart. Where everything that can go wrong, does. And it hurts to see the characters struggling through despair and hopelessness. And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts and ^{where's that broom!?! ..}

Severus Snape... a character that no one truly knows yet portray with a hundred different personalities, least of all human. And you wonder... why did he turn to Voldemort? What type of emotion and phychological pain did he endure to make him who he is. ("That werewolf almost killed me... I almost died and nobody cared!...") What type of abuse and neglect? ("And Yet He Flinched" other Fics: 'He swore to himself that he would never harm a child.. he would never be his father.') Is he really a redeemed spy grieving for his past mistakes, crimes, and atrocities, shunned by the very people he risks his life for? (Harry keeps suspecting him as a spy in canon; Fic:The Birthday Present Sirius gave him door-rights only, the right to enter but not partake of any food, or rest at Grimwald. Kretcher leaked the beans to Narcissa, and in turn Voldemort:'why did it have to be Him who gave the respect and gratitude and comfort he deserved..) Pushed past the breaking point by two Masters: Dumbledore and Voldemort? Sentenced to all sorts of tortures and submissive acts to prove his loyalty to Voldemort. A trial after Halloween 1981 is mentioned; was he interrogated by Aurors who's families had been raped, tourtured and killed by Death Eaters, who wanted some way to get revenge (Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater... even if he was a spy for the light, no one to help, they'd all look the other way..). Even now is he played with by Voldemort even though they both know he had turncoat? But maybe we're all reading into this too much and he really is just an uncaring sadistic git who is just trying to end up on the winning side by being on both... he may even turncoat again, literally stabbing Dumbeldore in the back (once a traitor, always a traitor...)

and then, of course, the full degration of the characters...

But what really hurts is that it the HP universe could never be candy adventures, and never was.

and Merlin, my eyes are soo tired I can't keep them open another minute and I'm falling asleep at the computer.. I've been up since 11:41 am Saturday...

Quizzas!

Song of Goodness: Disney's Lady and the Tramp - The Siamese Cat song
(Bobby McFerrin has a wonderful version..)


It looks like I'm quiz happy today. :) Gee my blog just a nice waste of blogspace huh? ;) At least it's not a 'DeadJournal'...


Just for fun I did some quizzes.. I'm sure these results are skewered because I dress and act totally different when I'm home alone as opposed to when I'm out and actually interested in potential boys. ;) hmm..


This one was a nice result, I suppose if I actually gave anyone a chance this would be true lol (I'm such a snot!):

You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's... You get the most dates of any girl you know It's your whole five star package that attracts men - Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue. Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz :-)

More in-tune with my sweat=pants self...

You Attract A Good Amount of Guys While you may not get the most offers in the room, You've got a good thing going - dating wise You could flirt more and dress up a bit to attract more guys But in general, you are doing just fine! Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are a Friendly Flirt!
You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone.
And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly.
You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls.
And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!

What Kind of Flirt Are You? Take This Quiz :-)





You'll Find a Boyfriend Within a Year
Either you're not ready for a relationship...
Or you're not quite ready to leave the house
You can't meet a guy from your couch
So at least consider meeting one from your computer!

When Will You Have a Boyfriend? Take This Quiz :-)




You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Busy
While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses...
... You don't give men enough of your time.

As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)




You are a Romantic Realist
Okay, so you fall in the middle.
You know that love isn't like a greeting card...
Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings.

You are the best of both worlds
Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious.
Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You Romantic or Realistic? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are Low Maintenance Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a dormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight. Are You High Maintenance? Take This Quiz :-)

What Guys Think of Your Long Straight Hair...
Sexy, desirable, and hard to please.
A girl who's so stunning that you've got them lined up around the block!

What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? Take This Quiz :-)



What Guys Think of Your Ponytail...
Girlish, free spirited, low maintenance.
The kind of girl he can take camping ... for fire building and romance :-)

What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? Take This Quiz :-)

Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you! What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

What Dating TV Show Should You Go On? Blind Date!
You're fun, free spirited, and not looking to be tied down.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't date.
Au contraire, you should meet a lot of men.
And a show like Blind Date matches your relaxed approach.

What Dating Show Should You Go On? Take This Quiz :-)

geekiness!

You are a good geek. Congratulations, you can
navigate the real world and still maintain the
things that make you a geek.


how seriously geeky are you?
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HP Personality Quiz

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

I love Spring..

I love music.

Song of Goodness: Bobby McFerrin - Circlesong 5

My neck's still hurting. I was hoping that it would be better by today but oh well.

Mom opened all the windows in the apartment today. Yay. I love it when it's warm enough to open the windows... it was a little bit chill but I put on some sweat pants and a sweatshirt and I was ok. I walked over to the sliding door and looked outside, I heard voices and I was once again reminded how much I love being in populated areas.. not really peaceful, quiet area but not areas where people are yelling or fighting all the time either... A nice feeling of not being alone in your house/apartment complex is nice. I used to live in a house with houses zipping by all day and all night. Loud motorcycles roaring by at 3am was not uncommon. The wind and rain was welcome, we always heard it and when there were strong winds the house slightly swayed too. You could pretend that the wind rocked you to sleep...

I could hear people walking below us or up the path and could tell where everyone was by laying down on the floor and feeling the slight vibrations... and James and I ran around all over the place and played in the woods. The dirt smelled wonderful after it rained.. you could tell when slugs and worms were out by the smell in the air.. James stepped on a slug with his barefeet by accident when he was about 7 yrs old. He freaked out so bad because it wouldn't come off... after that I moved all the slugs off the long path (it took 80 steps to get to the car from the door- I think) even though I really did not want to even look at the slugs closely. Yucky eyes on stalks... but moving whole slugs was better than stepping on a slug and leaving half of it behind... they don't come off of shoes either...

And in the spring because it rained a lot, you could pretend that you lived in a jungle.. the trees were very green and looking outside the window you could see the vines crawing up the house and wires... there were always birds singing and little mammals messing around and lots and lots of bugs... so many that they could keep you awake at night if that sort of noise bothered you.


So last night's dreams...

I don't remember the beginning ones but I do remember...

being back at the house in Paramus that I used to live in. If you don't know, it was an old Farmhouse, green two-storied, and was on top of a hill which was on top of anotehr hill. There was a wooded area to the left of it. I dreamt something about traveling around the property and back parking lot. Maybe I was rollerblading around or running or something. I used to dream a lot about that area when I was a kid. lots of dreams about animals and I think Peter Pan and Pirates (It used to flood in that area). I think when I was 12 years old I dreamt that I tried to drive the car and accidently it fell down the hill separating the wooded area and the parking lot and that it got stuck on that hill.. a bear came and sat on the hood and I was stuck in the car with some other ppl... ANywAy... back to this decade.. hehe..

I dreamt that a big running course had been placed next to the wooded area. It was really neat and had hills and stuff and was at least 10 miles long and had intersections. Anyway, teams from all over that area of the country came to competatively run there. From the porch of my house I watched teams run by. A girl with her mother came by for a piano lesson and I let them inside... I think I folllowed with my brother. The inside had been renovated with lots of nice dark colors.. I very clearly remember a dark prism mobile hanging in my room. I think I ate a popsicle. I went back to the porch. I think that weeks went by and teams came back to run again. I decided that I should at least say 'Hi'. I joined a crowd of people and I went up to my coach and said Hey while he was like looking at some clipboard and a watch while prople ran by... he said "What are you doing here, Jan?" Hmm.. don't remember much else. I think I just smiled, said "nothing" and found some friends to hangout with...

This next part was kinda strange. I think I beamed up to a ship with a friend. It couldn't have been my brother because it was a guy that was much... wider than him. My bro right now is barely holding at 150lbs. This guy had very big shoulders.. I think he might have been a football player. I had that feeling you get when you know that you have lots of friends and are popular. I think we were either doing something for school, church fun, or just for fun. We beamed up to a large gymnasium in a ship. No windows, and I don't recall any doors. Either a guy friend with a camera beamed up to or the camera was remote controlled by some friends below. In the gymnasium a dance class full of little girls with bowed black shoes was practicing. Little orange cones were lined up in the floor as the girls were all lined up. Their teacher was a petite woman who looked very nice. She just smiled at us as we watched. We moved away and mimicked them in front of the camera, the girls didn't even notice we were there. Then images of magazines popped into my head and we pretended to go down a catwalk and do gymnastics and stuff. We had a good time and laughed a lot...

Is this good or Bad?

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results Sociability |||||||||||| 34% Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 38% Assertiveness ||||||||| 26% Activity Level ||||||||||||||| 42% Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||| 34% Enthusiasm ||||||||| 30% Extroversion |||||||||||| 34% Trust |||||||||||| 38% Morality |||||||||||| 34% Altruism ||||||||| 26% Cooperation |||||||||||| 38% Modesty ||||||||||||||| 42% Sympathy ||||||||| 30% Friendliness |||||||||||| 34% Confidence ||||||||| 30% Neatness ||||||||| 30% Dutifulness ||||||||| 30% Achievement ||||||||| 30% Self-Discipline |||||||||||| 38% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Orderliness |||||||||||| 35% Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 46% Volatility ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Depression ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Self-Consciousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||| 46% Vulnerability ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 42% Imagination ||||||||| 26% Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||| 46% Introspection |||||||||||| 38% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 34% Intellect |||||||||||| 34% Liberalism ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Openmindedness |||||||||||| 40%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Hmm... I dunno. These results seems to contradict each other when looking at the "Big 30 Key". I don't know how much faith to put in this test... Oh well. Many of an individual's characteristics contradict each other anyway but I don't think that this test got it quite right...

I don't believe that I'm so self-involved to totally disregard and disagree with anything just because I don't like it. I simply don't think that this test had a very accurate way to gauge one's Personality... circumstances always change how one acts and I feel as if this test didn't take into account circumstances..

One may have a manipulative side yet control it so well that it never shows... because they are so religious or have high morals... hmm.. And what about the different masks some wear... I, myself, can appear to be the most cheerful, energetically unrestrained, unassuming, and giving of all people in one point of my life and a few days later, away from the people I interact with, be introverted, sedate and maybe even callous... with an ability to switch as the occasion warrants...

I would try to think more on this and explain it better but my neck is really a distracting pain and my stomach hurts from lack of food... Perhaps these feelings influenced my results.

Aurgh!!!

Song for today: Luna Sea - In My Dream

I woke up today with the worst pain in my neck.. I must have pulled/sprained/cramped a muscle... grrrrrrrr... I can't even move my head. Don't you hate that? I'm seriously considering putting some ice, then heat on it but that never seems to do anything. I want like.. a visit to Sickbay on the Enterprise D and let a nice Doctor or Nurse wave that magic wand over it and make it better...


And today while logging into AIM I discovered that James has made 2 more screen names!! The dummy! He only has like 10 names on his list! I have 85 and I still only use the same screenname since highschool! James now in total has about 7 screennames! The dummy!


And now for some dreams.

I typed out a rough list in notepad before I forgot them all. I'll have to rewrite them in this space later.. as soon as I figure out what order they were in...



The store. Walking in for dinner at the place I worked at a odd time
a woman there was talking about her job there
how she thought she'd get fired if she wore gaudy clothes
she placed with teh zipper of her over fleece shirt



wediing
rings 3 ETTE and V
boys playing with cemetary graves in the sand

the store afterwards, carrying a flat cake through the back
passing the asian chef there

getting into a black SUV
driving South
metting those women in the 2 cars..

asking about a place in NYC
colorful horses and elephants coming behind the vehicle

morphing into a large cavern of art on the floor
animals painted on the floor
American museum of national art




Driving along a wasteland.. either of ice or snow or maybe salt in utah in the SUV
stopped at someone's house.
looked around.
a short, long table have about 12 little seats,
each with a pair of little glove sized bears
walkie takie/phone bears for each of the children
in case they go outside - they wouldn't get lost.




Volleyball
teaching the new Freshman at PHS how to pass right/move right
with Christine Enrique. She got up and wanted to show them some dancing moves
I was wondering why I had the job to teach PHS girls when I never played VB...
odd.




visiting.. somewhere with my family
A Dairy Queen bus
The guy running the bus stops in the middle of the road

no one on it but me and James

he tells us to help ourselves

the icecream stations - icecream valvesfrom the ceiling
I get vanilla and try a green one

I could make a DQ candy milkshake
pressed some buttons -
I was worried that I pressed the button to restart the laundry; the clothes should be at the drying stage and I
didn't have enough time to wait until they get washed again

Conversation was a casualty of the invitation.

Song of Goodness: Muse - Falling Away With You
:) Lovely beginning...

This is me on NetZero. So far it seems.. better than AOL. At least it didn't take hours to install. I literally fell asleep at the computer when I tried to upgrade AOl to 9.0. But now, oh yes, now AOL is no more on this comp! Yay! It was removed and deleted. A whole 1/2 GB is free! And I bet more will be present when I defragment..






I really must start running tomorrow.

"You know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply because it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a flavor of mortality in lies--which is exactly what I hate and detest of the world--what I want to forget. It makes me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do...

Do you see the story? Do you see anything? It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream--making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream-sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which is of the very essence of dreams... No, it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We life as we dream--alone...

The others might have been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I listened on the watch for the sentence, for the word, that would give me the clue to the faint uneasiness inspired by this narrative that seemed to shape itself without human lips in the heavy night-air of the river."

Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad

Crocodile sneezes...

Song of Goodness: Muse - Hysteria
I'm not really in a Muse mood at the moment.. more like a mellow Moby mood but I'm not at my music comp so I'm just gonna put this Muse song up because I really really wanted to use it Friday...

My dumb ears keep filling up with fluid. I take decongestant and they are fine for a day or two, then fill up again. Grr..

Dumb ears.. and I'm so cold today! :(

James was watching something on the History Channel about the Civil war battles. When I see things like this I can't stop thinking about how nice it would have been to bring some colodial silver, antibiotics and clean bandages and save all the arms/wounds/lives that were taken from archiac medical practices and/or lack of supplies/adept practicioners. Hmmm...

I just saw a commercial playing one of my favourite songs... I had a cassette tape called Medicine Man by.. ? I'm so upset that I can't find a CD let alone a listing of it anywhere.. I plan to do an internet serach on it sometime soon. *sob* I need that CD!

So the phone line in the room with the main computer is down. The phone company placed a jack there just last month. It took awhile to convince them to come and fix their problem, we're not paying for it. >:| I'm so happy that we are going to DL a new web server.. AOL stinks so we're switching! Yay! Of course I really want cable but oh well. I have to wait until we're somewhere we know we'll be for a long time...

I woke up with an area of my neck sore that I think is that gland area.. hmm.. I don't recall doing anything to make that part sore.. perhaps those situps two days ago? Weird.



Crocodile Dreams

The earliest I can remember:
This is a bit fuzzy. I was working on a computer at a middleschool, I walked home stopping by a small store on the wayhome. It was similar to a dollar store but not everything wasa dollar. I wanted to buy something for the sister missionaries because they were comin over for dinner soon but I didn't have either time or money and i continued home. The next time I got to the store eithe rmy mom or Wayne was there and i didn't get what I wanted. I think it warped into a grocery store.. I remember looking at large packets of easter eggs in those plastic wire bags... I think we went to the chekout and wanted a large box, but the box at the check out had toys in it. I dumped the toys out into a display toy bin at the head of the checkout isle... it was full of red headed dolls dressed in pirate outfits... a child behind me was terrified of the dolls.. I have no idea why. The mom thought that they were adorable and waved a black piarte hat around. But I understood how the kid felt and I felt responsible for them since I left them there so I gathered them up in a shopping cart. I went off into the large store looking for the toy/doll isle to put them back. My stepfather had gone before me so I had to look for him too.. I don't remember much else of this part...

The next part that I recall I was in an area like Paramus in some woods.. at the end of the forest was a road.. like Forest Ave. I was studying the wildlife. I was happy to note that the forest was quite full of natural debri and a small pond held a few happy crocodiles. I was happy to note down on my noteboard that the ecosystem was fine even though there were some crocs. The crocodiles payed me no notice so I traveled along the road (about 30 feet away tangent to the road) left into the next plot of park. Here, at the end closest to the road the area was just dirst.. like it had been recently cleared. I could easily see the pond and the crocodiles and they were mad. A few came menacing at me, I made for the road. There was a crocodile at the right that ran at me and i dodged, a crocodile at the left also threatened me and I made it to the sidewalk before the street. I was afraid because the crocodiles could lunge at me and bite a leg off at any time yet I had to wait for the cra traffic to let me cross. The crocodiles were quickly walking towards me so I chanced it, I jumped into the edge of the road, close enough so that the approaching car could miss me if I were semi- in the way but enough that I hoped that the car would scare the crocs off. The car stopped and I darted across the street.

I was in a residential area so I walked over to the nearest house.. recognized it so I traveled along back to the area behind it.. there was a house there but I was met by another threatening crocodile! I freaked out and dodged the other way, running around the house and hoping that I would be able to outsmart the animal. Somehow I made it to the fence in fromt of the outside stairs at the front of the house wand walked up them. I opened the door to the top apartment.. it was the Apartment of Jana and her roommates.. hmm.. The first room was a type of kitchen/dining room and there were two sinks. I was surprised to note that the large utility sink at the far left of the room held a tied up crocodile. I had thought that I had gotten away from crocs for the moment but I was wrong. Kate, the runner, came in a friend and explained that they had tied a croc up to study it and figure out why it was acting so strange, and where it had come from. I noticed on the right that in the other large utility sink that there was a decaying body.. ug. Someone (maybe I just rationalized it to myself) explaine dthat it was for Kate's homicide investigation class and that she had picked up this latest corpse to study it. Hmm.

Someone came in and I asked if the croc was still outside their house, he said either no or that he had captured it so I decided that it was time to go home and said goodbye. I hoped that there were no more crocodiles outside. I ran outside and up the hilly street to my house without meeting any crocs. It started to get dark. I quickly ran up the dangerously steep hill in front of my house (dangerous because if you fall, you land on the street below you which is actually a blind area for cars that turn right) and was relieved that I made it, that I was home.

I don't remember much of what happened in the transition.. I next remember something about the Weasley's. like my version of a Weasley called me up or something. I next remember pushing a huge box (bigger than me) full of my stuff for Hogwarts/or other school. The box had a cloth cover at the top holding clothes of other items in. I was pushing it up the hill on the road, the road was deserted of cars and I was safe. I met up with a Weasey that had a similiar box and whom was pushing it he same way. I felt as if it was one of those things that you do determinedly when you feel like you don't have an alternative way of doing it. Anyways.. we traveled a little ways to the school and as we got to the school is morphed halfway to a type of train station. For some odd reason, an Out-of0character Snape came and put a spell on the boxes so that they would float lightly in order to make it easier for us. I remember wondering why he would ever make anything easier for Harry Potter while I navigated my box into the freight area of the train. I think that that was the end of any coherant dreaming... aka I started to wake up.

*kicks her blog*

a painfull pulse in my neck

Song of Goodness: Muse - Running out of Time


Snape must be my Angst Muse.

weird dreams.. I remember walking upstairs in a large storage building.. at the top was a large room. I suppose I was there for a job. There was a man in charge and a preteen boy working there. I think it might have been Snape and Potter. Weird huh? There was an old rickety piano on one side, the keys unaligned from age but still on the right notes.. playable. Further down the wall was a pile of trash. Further down was a door leading to.. an outside roof?

Across from the pile of tras on the otehr wall was a bed roll.. Potter's space where he slept and kept his belongings. I was told to clean up the pile of trash, I felt as if it was to give Potter a break for the day. I remember throwing cradboard in a big wastebasket and picking up a packet of blood.. I placed it in the nearby small blood wastebin. You know the kind that come up to your knees and say BioHazard on the front with the lid you use your foot to open.

After all the trash was picked up I noticed that the floor under the now-gone wast pile was covered in oil.. newspaper was spread out over the floor under the are the pile used to be at and was also covered in oil.. I wanted to clean that up but I realized that it would be a waste of time. It would take forever and it would just get dirty again. I then decided that I wanted to wash my hands.
Next, I remember being at our apartment getting ready for a shower... for some reason we had a lot of guests visiting. I went into my room to get a change of clothes and when I walked back into the bathroom it was completely empty. All white. A woman was cleaning the place and had moved everything, even the sink out. She transformed into Leigh from the XC team and explained to me that she wanted to show her appreciation for having the team stay over and repay by cleaning up the bathroom.

She was wearing yellow gloves and wiping brown.. fungi off the tile under a mirror. Somehow I got her to leave and place the more important items back in the bathroom. I noticed some clear shower curtain hanging against a wall in the bathroom so I replaced them around the tub. So then I started to take a shower. A man walked in, I suppose the lock hadn't been replaced and I got annoyed. He was just standing there and I told him to get out and stop bothering me. I think it was Snape. I wasn't feeling embarrased, just annoyed that he didn't listen to me so I kept telling him to get out for the afe of modesty.

He just stood there, watching me. It was the same feeling from that movie- girl interrupted when the girl had to be watched while taking a bath so that she didn't kill herself. I didn't have any reason to kill myself or be watched but he did watch with a displaced professionalism. Perhaps he was learning how muggles take showers? Maybe he needed to learn how to wash his hair... haha. I think at least one other man entered the room and just stood there.. someone that reminded me a bit of how Mr Hyde looked like.. finally as I was quickly shaving my legs and praying that I wouldn't cut myself, a middle aged lady came in and shooed them out.
She promised to come back and do my hair for the wedding/funeral? I got out, dried off and got dressed in a nice dress. Perhaps we meant to go to church but it was a sleeveless dress so I don't know.

The group of people that I was with.. I think it was all relatives of some sort walked up to some kind of huge UFO... it ws perfectly safe and only held human-like species though. I passed an area where a Disney crew was interviewing children to be on a show or something. Some kids in our party went there. The rest of the more-grownup people walked into another room for a meeting. It was circular and I don't recall if there were any chairs but I do remember a screen being projected into the middle of the room over a circular stand.
Apparently someone, perhaps some long lost older, almost crazy uncle of mine was going to come visit and needed a place to stay. Oddly enough, Snape volunteered for him to stay in his flat in the city... that's all I recall.

iron doesn't rust green

Looking at the old fence surrounding the graveyard, I pointed out that it looked quite old.
"No," James said, "it could be ten years old and still look this bad."
"But look!" I said pointing out the brownish spots, "that's not paint!"
He thought I was talking about the cracking copper-green paint. "Haha, iron doesn't rust green!"


So today James and I walked 4 miles. We walked down the very long street to a bead shop and looked through everything. We then visited the ity bity library (it's in an old house) and explored the little grocery- they have the best strawberries! Unfortunately we hold only $2 and it was $2 a lb so we couldn't buy any.. :(

Hmm.. dream
Last night I dreamt about how my family moved to this really big apartment. Large rooms, very white. It had a similar feeling to the over-largeness you find in Cybertown virtual homes when you get a new one. Some people my age or a little bit over came over to visit.. I remember showing them around and we past my brother's room and looked into a guest/baby room... there was a twin sized bed in it with dark teal covers.. I agreed to go with the people somewhere.. maybe a dance. We left.

I next remember being in a YSA conference/retreat. It was in a cleaner, less populaed Manhatten looking area. More suburban. I remember going to some institutional facility for breakfast and seeing someone that reminded me of Jesschan only I didn't know her. Most of the ppl there ignored me... I remember getting on an almost emppty subway with no destination in mind, worried that Iwould get lost or that someone would be mad that I left. I then somehow met up with some girls that reminded me of Sister Missionaries and we drove back to the conference in an old SUV that they had borrowed. We parked in some far off, empty parking lot and I was puzzled wht we had parked so far away if most of the place was empty. They said something about the cops telling them to park in their designated place and how someone's brother would be mad if the car got towed... I remember going into some sort of orchestra hall to sit down in anticipation of a theatrical production. I don't recall much else.

with my elbow on my knee

Songs of Goodness: Black Angel from the Anime Weis Kreuz

I must have been spending too much time on the computer because my eyes feel tired already. I've been battling spyware and deleting files from the registry that are just made up of numbers and such. *rubs eyes* I hate Winpup. What's really ironic is that I'm stuck on a dial-up connection so any popups that do pop up are closed before they even have a chance to load. *laughs* Not to mention the popups that popup when I'm not even connected... Must get firewall. No, must get new computer with Linux and a cable connection.. yesss....

I was going through my old Data discs just now looking for Furuba pics to replace my startup pic of Windows. Right now it's a like a 10x10 pixels default paint pallete bmp. I have no idea what happened to it. lol. Well anyway, I absoluely LOVE Fruits Basket. The artwork is so beautiful, lovely to look at. *sigh* I love Furubaaaa....

music of the night...

I absolutely love The Phantom of the Opera.

Love it.

Birthdays

Song of Goodness: Trigun - Sound Life

So today is my mother's birthday. James and snuck out of the apartment and visited the little shops around.. we actually didn't find anything we could buy for her at them so we went to CVS and Walgreens. :}

Greeting Cards: We looked in CVS for a nice Birthday card. I had already been through several different sections and picked out a few nice ones.. as I went to another area James lost some of his patience and said "Don't give into the cards!" I though that was silly... lol. Poor James is less that worthless when it comes to shopping. He just stands around. When I looked at hair ties at first he pointed out some ones I didn't like. I was like, "Really? You like those better? Okay maybe we should get those instead. I thought that these would go better with the coloring but if you think that those are better than get them." He then started spazzing out and said he couldn't choose. Silly boy. As we browsed the different Easter items he half-seriously and half-jokingly told me that he had long decided to bring a coin with him for any shopping adventures to help him make choices. He had forgotten to bring one today. I told him to flip a nearby sandal instead.

I commented on how this semi-urban area where we live is annoying.. we have to use the cross walk button twice when crossing one street- there's a rest stop in the middle of the street. Have you ever noticed that electronic cross walks only flash the walk sign for the amount of time it takes you to get halfway across the street? I guess eight or maybe ten lanes of traffic is too long to be safe with the time alloted for one electronic crosswalk. ;) I had been afraid that I had lost my street crossing savy after moving away from a close-to-NYC suburb to South Carolina. I'm quite sure that I have it back now...

Harry Potter. I just purchased the fourth Harry Potter book in paperback. So now I have books 1, 3, and 4 in paperback and book 5 in hardcover. I'm not aware of seeing book 5 in paperback.. the longest book yet, it would have to be thicker than it is wide... ;) and book 6 and 7 are going to be even longer! :)

I'm making my mom a two-layer chocolate birthday cake. I'll cover it in chocolate frosting and put colorful star spinkles on top.

disturbed dreams

James came home yesterday. :) I slept through it so I have yet to see him. I bet he has a tan.


I know I already used this song last week but I really really like it and it's fitting with today's dreams. It's already up to 101 counts on my playlist.
Song of Goodness: Marilyn Manson - Redeemer


I had some pretty disturbing dreams last night. The recollection won't be as fluid or complete as they are simply because I'm quite confused as to what happened.. I wasn't able to hold on to the order of events as I laid in bed...

The earliest I can remember: I was at college, in a track related dorm (only 1 story). The halls were more like the kind you find in highschools, wide, bright and shiny marble pattern floor. The rooms were a little bit smaller than real high school classrooms. I was in one room that had been transformed into a track office. The connecting room (wooden doors were built in the far side like in Middle school) was also part of the office. I was walking around and somehow was given charge of a freshman student. Okay, this is where it gets weird. The interested student was a male, but his body reminded me of a walrus. I think he was purple, and couldn't speak at all. Some kind of strange alien animal. His parents were there.. either they were Sweedish (like the parents of the fat boy in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) or American farmers but they thought their little boy was the best thing in the world! They left to eat lunch and I was stuck babysitting this montrosity. He wanted my complete and undivided attention, like a newborn. He kept rolling over and I was afraid that I was going to get smushed. I think he wore a cow bell too or some sort of leash. Luckily his parents came back but I was horrified to learn that he was going to be staying! They were leaving him there! Well this dream has a surprise ending. I left him in that room to unpack and settle in. the next time I saw him he put on his University uniform and he transformed into a pudgy, short, PINK/Peach colored boy. And he was able to throw a shot-put hundreds of feet away. Hmm..

Note to self: Do NOT ReREAD This PART! Ever! please.
The second part of my dream really really freaked me out. I know that I'm missing a large part of what happened before it but my subconcious must be blocking it or something. I can't remember it. I walked into a house at night with my partner, there may have been a couple of people with me but I am only completely positive of only one. So this house that we were walking into used to belong to some sort of crazy scientist, or maybe crazy murderer, maybe even an old friend and we were supposed to inspect the premises. On the floor in the first room were... little collections... hundreds of dirt, electronics, and body parts layed out in rows on the floor. Little plots, no bigger than a piece of paper lying flat. We looked closer and in my dream I transfered them up on tables. I'm missing something really important here, from before but I can't remember it! All of a sudden, reacting to perhaps music? the dirt piles moved. Long, thin hands, only bones left, flexed up to be seen. It was then that I realized that they were alive. My partner was fascinated and went through one of the piles with his hands.. we felt no malicious intent from the piles. I don't know- for some reason this makes me feel like crying. It's a dream half of sadness and half horror. It was likt these little piles were victims. My partner unearthed a doll... it was very flat. He plugged it into one of the overhead hanging electronic thing. nothing happened, we were disappointed. We left and walked to the next room, more little piles littered the floor. We went back to the first room to talk... The Doll Was Standing Up. It had a little smile on it's face as it rocked back and forth unsteadily. I think it was made of cloth. It's little head bobbed from side to side. I was deathly afraid of it, For it. We didn't know what it was...

I'm missing some parts here. I remember frantically plugging every little pile into the overhead outlets. Little heads popped up of the tables, could they talk? Could they see us? I felt that either they were children, or were adults reverted back into child minds. Were they babies forced to grow and learn in these little barely interactive doll bodies? It was the fear of the unknown and the horror of what they might have been to make this possible. Sometime during this dream I remember plugging little potted plants into the over head outlets, they were on a clean, cleared table. We were doing an experiment to see how the others were created and what would happen with these little plants that were left behind.

Child music played in the background... it was Christmas. The little dolls clung to each other and bobbed their heads to the music. Some clung onto a little rocking horse. A giant Christmas tree stood in one corner. We placed little hats on every little tiny head. We could not miss even one. I had the thought that they were all together somewhere and could see themselves through digital video cameras. The First One we activated was the only one that could peep, maybe semi talk, and was able to move a little bit more than the others. It was the only one we know could see through it's own eyes. We didn't know what the others could and could not see but if they saw themselves without a hat when everyone else had one, then it might break their little hearts. I couldn't bear the thought. And all through this, I had the fear that they didn't know right from wrong. That they might rise up and attack us, kill us either intentionally through jealousy or cruelty, or because they simply didn't know better. They could have been crying with anguish the entire time.. I didn't know what to do for them, the poor babies. The only thing that we could do was pretend with tears in our eyes that they were normal, love them, keep them secret, and hope that they didn't know just how wrong it all was.

I shall be afraid to hear the scampering of little dolls in the darkness for awhile...

This is why I never wrote my dreams down before. I would just let them fade away with the dawn...

"So instead you'll taste my pain
You say your life I'm taking, always bothering me, I can't take this anymore,
I'm failing, always smothering me
You look down on me, hey what you see, take this gift from me, you will soon be ME!
Nothing seems exciting, always the same hiding... hiiiddinggg...
It's haunting me. It's haunting me. It's haunting me. It's haunting me
It's haunting me..."

from Marilyn Manson - Redeemer

Fic exerpt

From Nepenthe: Forgotten Things by Semajyrrah

" Snivellus. Harry's memories from Snape's pensive of the cruel torment his father had pressed upon the dingy, awkward teenager stood out in sharp relief in his mind. Harry had a bit of difficulty connecting the gangly boy, who had perhaps never known the love of his own parents, to the man, who was smooth and flowing with movements [that] were so fluid that he seemed to fly when he walked, but the bitterness and the humiliation was still there, sharp and edgy under the polished veneer. "

tinkle tinkle :)

A haiku by Kobayashi Issa:

Don't worry, spiders,
I keep house
casually.

Gacked

Current music: Marilyn Manson - Redeemer

Woohoo! I'm 98.6 today! :) Well.. more like 98.6 at the end of the day I suppose. *sneezes* Hmm.. third time today.


Do your eyes water when you yawn several times or am I just odd and unique? My eyes positively leak at every little thing! I should practice controlling them...



Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

quickie

A convo concerning the Jelly Bellies' version of Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans:

Jess-chan: i don't like bertie botts beans XP they taste bad haha
Jan-chan: hahaha
Jan-chan: I like the grass ones

Song of Goodness: Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe


Something I love: Harry Potter 'lost boy' angst

A line from excessivelyperky's The Birthday Present:

          "But even so, the Weasleys weren't really his. Some days he felt like
           nothing was, that everything he had was only borrowed from somebody
           else. A lifetime of Dudley's rejects."

voices flutter like breeze

Song of Goodness: Kirk Franklin - Brighter Day


Wheee! I love my curly-Q's! Just took a shower so my hair has little curls everywhere! ;)

Well my stomach still feels queasy.. been feeling sick since Saturday night. Had chicken soup and some croutons for dinner.

The folks were looking at the cost of living prices for different counties in Michigan.

I *really* need to get to the mall so I can buy a million different flavours of jelly bellies! I'm going to send Kelly my own version of Berty Bott's Every Flavour beans. She's so excited! :)


I'm going to be practicing volleyball Tuesday. Ug. My right ankle hurts as usual whenever I think of jumping around and my left knee hurts whenever I think about volleyball. ;) Silly. I'm going to see if I can just be a setter.. I've always wanted to do that! It's the funnest job! James is coming home Wednesday.. I'll see if he'll practice setting with me. I'll have to find a place to do it.. I'd rather not be outside.. the cold air is brutal to my hands. :( Haha.. I could cut some gloves up..

I was thinking about softball Saturday... I remembered those times I saw the Varsity Volleyball/softball players throwing and catching with each other before the softball preseason in the gym... how those girls always did so much, and gave so much to be good. How they would set for hours at home after a double preseason session in August of their own accord. That kind of seriousness is not something I'll likely ever forget.

hot chocolate

Song of Goodness: Garmana - Viridissima Virga - Greenest Branch
I really like Garmana. They sing Hildegard and add etheral accompainment. Mmm.. feels good.


My hair is soo silky today, I love it! :) I had my mom cut the bottoms off yesterday. I want to try the new Garnier Fructis shampoo.

Hehe.. the commercial with all the babies and new Jenkins Baby wash with lotion is soo cute!

headache

Today's body temperature is 97.0 F

Song of Gooness: Mozart - Violin Concerto No.4 in D Major K. 218

This morning I dreamt about living in a department store. Sold furniture and electronics downstairs. I think I was with twins.. they reminded me of the girls from It Takes Two and a mother, who wore red high heeled shoes. Rather like Bella from The S!ms. I took a nap downstairs on a leather recliner. I woke up and followed the twins up an escalator to the next floor.. a private floor, nothing was for sell up there. For some reason, the woman was hiding large wads of cash in a bag and her daughters (the twins) were helping her. The man that owned the department store accompanied by a male worker was yelling at the lady. Don't remember what happened next but I did go downstairs to a corner of the store and noticed a shelf that was mostly devoid of items. It was stuff like glue and tape. As a stocker guy came around the corner I swiped the last remaining items to watch the guy go into a panic to stock everything before a customer looked for something.

hmm...

Elusive dreaming

Song of Goodness: Kirk Franklin & Jill Scott - Kingdom Come


As I was eating the crumbs (with milk!) from the bottom of my Trix cereal I realized that they tasted just like Fruity Pebbles.




Yet again, I had some pretty strange dreams.


The earliest I can remember,

I was riding around on a bicycle through busy streets with some second cousins from Utah hanging off of it. Miraculously, I managed to keep up with traffic. Maybe i was driving a car? It was my usual, I- have-no-idea - where-I'm - going - nor- how- to -drive a- car! dream. I was twisting around in freeways and crazy New Jersey round u-turns only the area was very vibrant, clean and the grass was very green. It remined me of Dr Seus' Oh, All The Places You'll Go book. Maybe my friends and cousins were riding bicycles that were linked to mine. We past a wooded area and went up a street to some sort of building. It was clay art pasted on the side of it's largest wall and had weird arches at the entrance. It reminded me of a museum or a new park.

I guess it was some sort of school. I think that it was a very large elementary school. People were setting up folding chairs in a courtyard, getting ready for a preformance. The people I was with walked in and joined the small crowd starting to sit down. I think I remember seeing my Grandma there and baby twins in a stroller. The grown-up relatives were very annoyed with us for having wandered off to the other side of town, again. When I was younger I never appreciated art things like this so in this dream, I walked away and looked around for the practicing students. I found them in a room, my brother was there playing clarinet and goofing of with his Korean best friend. My middle school band instructor was there conducting them. I guess I was invisible because I watched them without being noticed. it was strange because I was a big High School student and didn't get to watch pipsqueak kids without being noticed and having their behaviour change accordingly. The musicians were children - most of them were people that I knew in band young again. I gave my brother his - music?instrument?a pencil? - and sat down in the front row next to some drummers. The conductor was mad because some of them left their sticks at home. The boy next to me shrugged and pulled out some pencils. The drummer boys then proceeded to do a routine in sych, one with sticks, one with pencils and others with a stick and a pencil. I was not impressed with their juvenile routine or the tiny amount of sound coming from their drum kits.

I left the room and found an older version of my brother along with some others. I think one was a Wookie. It reminded me of a command crew. We put on hiking boots and other combat things and set off for a clearing.. a wooded area surrounded it. We set off on some sort of trail. It was a challenging course, the ground was very ragged - steep levels jutted off of this hilly mountain. We climbed carefully but quickly. I think that there were other teams around, I heard them talking but I was sure that they couldn't keep up with us. We were too good. I vaguely recall some squirmishes with other groups that reminded me of the bad guys in Star Gate. We used those energy pike spear things to fight them. We traveled through wooded area, volcanic areas and mountains covered in snow. it lasted a few days. We finally finished when we came across a gigantic building hidden behing trees and in a valley in a mountain. Having finally reached our destination, we entered a side garage and dropped our gear. A commander greeted us and congradulated us on a job well done. We split up to do whatever.

I think that I went up an escalator and into some sort of cafeteria. The seating was done in a mall eating area. I remember having a plate of caesar salad with two teaspoons of dressing (don't ask, I like it that way). I then walked around the gigantic building.

I came across some kind of large sports complex area of the building. By now, the place reminded me of a futuristic school. I was on a track. Imagine a running track only bigger and wider. It was for racing some sort of horses or similar animal and had walls, maybe even a removable roof. The riders reminded me of Spanish bull fighters. Anyway, I watched some races and noticed that some of the riders got hurt and allowed their - apprentices(?) maybe younger helpers - ride for them. I watched two races where this happened and the younger, more inexperienced riders won the races! So naturally my dream warped a bit. I knew that I had taken a class of this sport and was eligable to ride so I approached my trainer (who just happened to have broken his arm or something) and offered to ride for him. He was an older man, hints of grey speckled in his hair, tan and looked very kind. His eyes sparkled as he accepted. So I suited up and got on this Star Wars style horse (it might have even been half-mechanical) and got ready to race. I had a short whip that I used to urge the beast faster. My arm started to get really sore and tired halfway in. As predicted, I won. I went back to my teacher to try to explain some of my thoughts as to how I won. I told him that the apprentices probably only won their races because they spent all day smacking cows down the paths at the ranches and as such, had very strong arms, but that they most likely would not be able to keep up with the more experienced riders in any more future races.

I then left the track and entered one of the locker rooms. All the different areas were connected and I past some volleyball girls getting ready for practice. (ONCE AGAIN the EVER PRESENT volleyball!!) I recognized most of them from my second high school and politely declined joining them. I didn't think that their practice was up to high enough standards to get sucked into. One of the girls, Kristi I think, kept trying to get me to join in. For a moment I looked at a locker and imagined what i would be like if I gave in to everything.. if I decided to play volleyball and basketball for these people and invisioned how much time and effort it would take.. how much of my LIFE it would demand. I can't remember what I decided.. I think I told them that I'd see them later maybe and continued to my next class.

I walked down a hallway and past a large room. I peeked in. It looked like maybe an amphitheater (excuse my spelling). Some teenaged guys were standing to the side at what looked like a mix bewteen a DJ table/security desk. They acted like they were movie attendants. It was night, and they were moving the room around, the large seating are was moving from the front to the back. All of a sudden, some big robot fighters warped in and started to attack the now-Security-men. Two were killed instantly but a third managed to push a warning button on the desk that alerted the school- maybe it captured the robot fighter because he started to disappear. This is where my dream started to get freaky. Before he disappeared, he shot the third man through the head. The robot disappeared, and the man slumped on the desk. I ran in immediately. The other few men were milling around confused. I realized that they were students. They had no idea what to do. I picked the shotman up, who convienetly changed into a small child who I could carry him. The bullet would in the back of his head was craddled in my hand to stop the bleeding. I didn't dare look down at his face, and ran as fast as I could out of the room and turned left. I ran down the nearest hallway on the right, knowing that a Medical instructor that I knew taught a class now. I ran in the room and in a panic interrupted the class. I ran up to the man behind the desk and overhead projector, whom was instructing the class and I exclaimed that the guy I was holding had been shot and needed immediate medical assistance. To my shock, he lifted the boy up and showed everyone in the class the gaping hole in the back of his head. I couldn't watch so I looked away and he said that it was a very classic example of blah-blah -blah. He then looked at my hand, which was covered in blood and goo and told the class that it had a great example of blah in it. Faintly disgusted, I kept my eyes off of my hand and the goo in it. The instructor then carried the boy out of the room. I started to follow but as I past the second desk I "splat!" the goo in my hand on the desk and said that if anyone wanted to have a closer look that they could. The guy sitting on the desk turned a faint greenish color. I ran out and tried to catch up to the instructor.

When I exited the room, I was faintly panicked because I had lost sight of them but I spotted them down a hallway. The Instructor called for me. We walked through an office area and into a medical laboratoy. The instructor placed the boy on something and had it sent away to another doctor, another room. Time past with no one doing anything constructive to try to help this boy and I was started to get freaked out. You don't just sit around for an hour trying to contact different doctors before taking care of a gunshot wound! The boy was most probably dead by now. When I expressed this to the instructor he gave me a telephone number to call to see if one of the doctors was in. I went over to the telephone and started to dial the number. I actually didn't remember the number at first so I repeated it to my self a few times. it was something like 888-87895678. Lots of eights. I dialed the number over and over again, I kept messing up and it took a while to figure out that I forgot to add the 1! before the number to make sure that it was sent inside the buiding. I was mad at myself for wasting time. The blood was still on my hands. A woman in a large brown coat asked a lady if there was a place to call the airport from. I clutched the phone and tried to look busy and very involved in my phone call. I once again got a busy tone. I was very annoyed and slammed the phone down. Any further tried would be pointless. If the boy hadn't got any help my now then he was already dead. The doctors wouldn't have let him die so he must be recovering now.

I walked out a side door to the outside. A girl my age joined me. We went around looking in windows for a recovery room. She was worried about him just as much as I was. We came across a room and moved the blue curtains away from the outside (I have no idea why curtains were on the outside, not the inside). I knew that this was the room. A chair sat away from us, a woman (I think it was my 7th grade math teacher, as stern as Prof McGonagal from Harry Potter and as evil as a evil scientist from Star trek) was talking to someone in the chair. My friend said "Data!" and I tried to look over the chair. I only saw mussed black hair but I knew that it was Commander Data from Star Trek. The evil lady handed him a mirror and told him that his eyes were green and that it was normal. I knew that we had to get him out of there before the lady tried to brainwash him or something. I saw his reflection in the mirror.

That's when I woke up. I have the weirdest dreams.

graze and scrape - more dreams

I keep having nightmares about volleyball.


Anyway, last night I had the strangest dreams.

It must have started with volleyball. As usual, I vagely recall diving for volleyballs around a net and knee socks.

I was then looking for a job at a gigantic gym place. It was night/evening and it felt like late summer. For most of my dream I explored the locker room and the huge inside and outside covered-area filled with weird water massage tables. Imagine a table with a shower head that moved up and down a body length. The area was mostly empty. I decided that I should be working there so with a click of my fingers I changed the dream. (I'm a lucid dreamer.) I then wanted to meet my co-workers. I walked around with them. They looked and acted as if they were teenage zootakers from some Animal Planet show. They wore those little beige postal worker outfits. We clambored around on the outside elephant-sized massage sprinker tables and frolicked up steps. At this point I decided that I was probably in the west-coast. I remember sweeping up candy in the main entrance area. It was a very popular gym and people were constantly milling about. There were lots of children around. It was mostly candy wrappers. I supose that candy reminded me of halloween because that's when I changed it to. So this is how it warped to another dream. I was thinking that if it were fall, that I should be in school so I decided to see how I managed that in this dream.

It kind of reminded me of Buff(y) the Vamp(i)re Slayer. I was at a school and there was some kind of mysterious horror thing going on. There was a golden chalice that I was sipping a pinkish potion out of during the evenings while I read ficcies at a computer. The computer was in a computer center in a basement of a dorm. There were several levels of this dorm, to get down you had to carefully climb narrow, rickety wooden steps. It kinda reminded me of the Titanic when it started to sink. I kept getting mysterious hints. People I knew where being killed or went missing. I went to English class and the teacher there was my 11th grade english teacher, only not as Southern and much nicer. I had to do some kind of report with a boy in the class, who was also trying to help me figure out the mystery. We went up to the fron of the class and she asked me if we had completed the first part of the assigments and I had no idea what she was talking about. Surprisingly, she understood that I was working on a mystery, pulled out a folder and explained what was due. She then gave me some books and a novel about Native American lore or something. I protested and told her that if I read anything she gave me, that she would be the next person to disappear. I was really surprised this time when she said that she understood and that it was worth it to give me this information. I was expecting her to ignore me or laugh but the way she acted so calmly and knew what was going on blew my mind. I collecte dmy things and left with my friend. I later found a note explaining that when the chalice wasn't filled that I emitted a poisionous gass. So of course I freaked out and ran to the basement to make sure that the poision levels hadn't killed anyone. It was at this point in time that everything made sense. I realized why people were missing. If I read anything besides fanfiction, the person who wrote it or assigned it would be killed/missing. If I went to a message board and read several messages, the person who wrote the last message I read would be the one chosen to be missing. Whenever I stopped reading fanfiction and left the computer, poisonous gasses would slowly kill everyone in the building.

Quite strange. My sub-conscience must be trying to tell me something, but I am puzzled at why it seems to be backwards.

This is where the fluidity of my dream is compromised because I can't remember when this next part happened exactly. I was walking down the street fighting with my brother. He was older, knew how to drive and was going to school himself. We were yelling at each other as we walked down the street.. maybe we just had a car accident or something? I was holding onto a baby, that seemed more like a doll than anything. I would have hit him and wacked him with a metal rod but I was holding a baby. There was a large, white indescript cop car parked on the side of the road so I decided that I would sit in the car until the cops came. I was so mad at my brother for annoying me that I wanted the cops to come and put him in jail. I sat for awhile and the cop never came so I got out of the car and walked to my dorm. On the way, I noticed that there were lights decorating a tree here and there. I was quite panicked because I had just entered a cop car and left it... I might have left finger-prints. Around this time I realized that I was still holding onto this dollbaby so I wondered where her mother was. I felt directed to a house, which I entered. There was a skinny lady there who greeted me, took the baby and said something like, "Thankyou, they said someone would come along today". Following her into a main room I noticed 4 other girls of varying ages. Apparently she was a single mom who adopted kids. I pretended to play with the girls while she and her oldest daughter explained the adoption process. She said that they had to be compatible. The official would test her and her girls by showing cards with four different stuffed animals. If they picked the same animal as the one who they wanted to adopt picked, then they were compatible and allowed to keep the adoptee. I thought this was very strange. I imagined how strange it would appear if she went on some sort of show and said that she was unmarried, had 5 daughters, was Mormon and as such was still a virgin. That's when I probably woke up.

I have the strangest dreams.

I have an over-active imagination.

Ficcies!

I was feeling.. like coding today so I made a little site that listed some Harry Potter fanfiction. Feel free to visit if HP Ficcies are your thing. http://www.geocities.com/jan_aq3/Fanfiction/Home.html. It's very rough still but it's only been alive for about an hour now so I think it's forgivable. :} It looks just like my blog! Only in purple! LOL.

three days

three days until March 8,

three days until my favorite day of the year

three days until the day that I first walked onto a blue track
and learned to run

three days until
a season of sun kissed shoulders and faces

three days until
hearts pounded as legs were willed to move faster
as breaths whooshed through noses and mouths
and exhilaration was felt

to go faster, and faster


~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Song of Goodness: Goldfinger - 99 Red Balloons

Just how many days will I have to wait until fanfiction.net comes back up? It's been 2 days at least and I keep getting that "Login is suspended for the moment, come back in a few hours." It's kinda funny that I keep coming back "in a few hours" more than a few times and I still keep getting that message!! Grr! :|

The foot doctor was a cool guy... he asked me if I had any questions and I was surprised that I didn't. ;) I was too tired.. it was my bedtime afterall. hehe.. Next week when I pick them up, I'll have tons of questions. Apparently, orthodics can last for years. Yay! I can't wait to run again. :)

The Sister Misisonaries came over for dinner tonight. They are soo cool.

I tried some Key-Lime Pie. I couldn't decide if it reminded me more of Lemon Sherbert ice cream or throwup. I won't be trying any more of that pie any time soon...

I bought Harry Potter and the Prisioner of Azkaban yesterday so I could read it a few times before the movie comes out. I hope the movie will not be too different than the books.

My abs are sore from situps... started work on getting my almost-6 pack back. ;)

Snark

Just what does "snark" mean anyway?

Song of Goodness: Zero 7 - Red Dust

Reread Harry Potter fanfiction "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" by Jacquez H. Valentine for the third time (at least). One of my favorites. but hasn't been updated since Winter 2002. :(


Going to the Doctors around half past 7 this morning to get orthodics. hm..
I have a stitch in my neck and I'm thinking about sleeping.
Maybe later.



and i'm thinking.

chocolate goose eggs

Song of goodness: Maroon5 - This Love

So we dropped James off at the airport this afternoon. He should be arriving in California within the hour. :) I hope that he has a great time! :)



I stumbled across azngurl's blog today where I found some funny "naughty poems 4ya" 2.22.04 and this bit of humor:


At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry.

They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, ect., that each had an A so far for the semster. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virgina and party with some friends there.

They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studies that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation.

Cool, they thought! All at the same time, each one in his separate room, thought, this is going to be easy.

Each finished the lengthy problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:

For 95 points: Which tire?

hm

How evil are you?

Guess I'm lukewarm. Ug.


you are a cute bushel with brains


Who are you in the Harry Potter or Hogwarts Universe?
brought to you by Quizilla

Look, I'm no longer Severus Snape! lol.

Stickle bocker

James prepares food in the strangest of places. Protein powder over the printer, a sandwich on the washing machine. "I am a wild man who know no laws" he says.



Song of goodness: Tom Petty - Last Dance With Mary Jane


I'm so upset that the next Harry Potter book may take as long as summer 2005 to come out. That's soo long! I've been waiting forever. :(

I wrote a little bit yesterday. Sent it off for someone to read. Let's see if I have a bit of talent. ;P

I have the slowest internet connection ever! Grrr...



Jamie I miss you too!

Jess-chan get online already! hehe..

they must cling to the stars (very tightly) so they won't fall from the sky

For some reason it seems that the majority of lyrics of songs in American Pop are really.. uncomplex, simple. Just compare them to Rammstein or The Pillows and you'll notice the difference. Of course, that is all relative to the individual artists. Ho hum.

Yesterday I saw more examples of Stylized Bed Hair while watching the Oscar red carpet thingy on the Style Network. If done right, it looks quite good. My brother had the look down to a 'T' before he got his hair cut. Some of the people on the red carpet just shouldn't wear their hair that way.

Nothing going on today.

I feel.. uncomfortable in my body today. No other way to put it. I must start working out soon.

The title above is from a translation of Rammstein - Engel.