Song of Goodness: Muse - Blackout
There are some things thatI have noticed about myself:
that I like hot, muggy rooms with the windows open in the spring and summer.
that the sound of a car horn is soothing (This quite surprised me yesterday, but that's what you get for living over a decade on a busy intersection).
that Pepsi, hot muggy rooms and chicken flavoured stuff reminds me of Dad.
that i love to have music constantly playing.
that the sound of wind, rain, birds and some insects is very comforting. :)
All in all, I must say that today I actually realized that I truly felt better in this area in Michican than I ever did in SC. Hmm..
Monday, April 19, 2004
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Ahhhh!!
Ahhh!!! my mouth!
My mouth!
My Mouth is on Fire!
Those little oriental orange crackers are so.. misleading! They are almost bland at first but after a few moments.. Wham! Fire!
*fans herself*
My mouth!
My Mouth is on Fire!
Those little oriental orange crackers are so.. misleading! They are almost bland at first but after a few moments.. Wham! Fire!
*fans herself*
splat
Song of Goodness: The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
"No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no"
lyrics from lyricsdomain.com
So I woke up with a sore throat.. kinda. It's in that are that you usually associate with some kinda gland.. well it's uncomfortable to swallow on one side. EIther I'm sick or I sucked on too many Vitamin C pills yesterday. More likely because I woke up thirsty and ignored it for some hours.
Dreams Nice this time but still scarey at places.
I'll rewrite these later.
Deaged James back in kindergarten - a misison to deage and join James's class. Class divided into groups, I was in the last one as I was new. The teacher kept going over the different Q names. The classes were divided alphebetaclly so that this class was almost wholely Q's. She kepted pointing out on the chalkboard of all the same shortened Q's to say that they were all promouned Quer. Like Puar only with an 'er. Weird.
presentation on stage, singing. Two other girls kept falling off the stage and I kept putting them back on. One boy was annoyed at me for doing that the whole performance. I told the teaher that it would have been better to stand on the revolving disc on the stage instead of in front of the curtains.
Watching after kids... Sacrament meeting in the back, sitting next to Wayne
Captured... passing hallways and a cell.. Dumbledore hinting of half a prophesy that he trusted no one but Snape to keep. Me grabbing the red tinsel off of Snape's wall and taking part of the prophesy that was taped facing the wall with masking tape. Draco(?) grabbed the other half.
Talking to Spirit ghosts.. listening to them and solving mysteries.
Winding up in California.. either with Relative or the people were someone I was trying to show the house too..
talking about the kids going somewhere
loooking at the pool..
talking/feeling a ghost there.
Deciding to listen to the thing... an associate wanted to join.. a boy, maybe college grad that was chubby but meaning well. Had a tape recorder. We jumped on the whale and the boy turned into a tape...
somehoe got out of the water later..
Ending up at the top of a busincess building in an office that had huge windows on one walls looking out. A lady was there drawing a diagram..
outside in the snow...
a boy with a huge deer with huge antlers
a girl with a huge bear(?) *I can't tell them apart or who was who
one night the deer attacked the bear...
taken away together and the girl's father had to cut the antlers off to get them out of the bear.
Somehow the girl married the boy but the boy died vengeful when the bear and deer died.
The girl, now woman was forced to travel the paths that the boy had gone through everynight.
The Forest spirits were vengeful as well... Walabou on stilts
One buck forgave the woman and traveled with her, protected her.
but the woman's daughter was untouched and unharmed by the spirits when they went out so the woman hoped that they would one day accept her.
Back to the drawing room. My mother was drawing out a lesson with big Q's. little q's don't loop and she was afraid that the people would laugh at her. I told her to just quit. Make a joke about ex-quiting or something...
A silouette of a toddler riding on a large buck as the woman walked next to them in the snow, the moon behind them.
"No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no"
lyrics from lyricsdomain.com
So I woke up with a sore throat.. kinda. It's in that are that you usually associate with some kinda gland.. well it's uncomfortable to swallow on one side. EIther I'm sick or I sucked on too many Vitamin C pills yesterday. More likely because I woke up thirsty and ignored it for some hours.
Dreams Nice this time but still scarey at places.
I'll rewrite these later.
Deaged James back in kindergarten - a misison to deage and join James's class. Class divided into groups, I was in the last one as I was new. The teacher kept going over the different Q names. The classes were divided alphebetaclly so that this class was almost wholely Q's. She kepted pointing out on the chalkboard of all the same shortened Q's to say that they were all promouned Quer. Like Puar only with an 'er. Weird.
presentation on stage, singing. Two other girls kept falling off the stage and I kept putting them back on. One boy was annoyed at me for doing that the whole performance. I told the teaher that it would have been better to stand on the revolving disc on the stage instead of in front of the curtains.
Watching after kids... Sacrament meeting in the back, sitting next to Wayne
Captured... passing hallways and a cell.. Dumbledore hinting of half a prophesy that he trusted no one but Snape to keep. Me grabbing the red tinsel off of Snape's wall and taking part of the prophesy that was taped facing the wall with masking tape. Draco(?) grabbed the other half.
Talking to Spirit ghosts.. listening to them and solving mysteries.
Winding up in California.. either with Relative or the people were someone I was trying to show the house too..
talking about the kids going somewhere
loooking at the pool..
talking/feeling a ghost there.
Deciding to listen to the thing... an associate wanted to join.. a boy, maybe college grad that was chubby but meaning well. Had a tape recorder. We jumped on the whale and the boy turned into a tape...
somehoe got out of the water later..
Ending up at the top of a busincess building in an office that had huge windows on one walls looking out. A lady was there drawing a diagram..
outside in the snow...
a boy with a huge deer with huge antlers
a girl with a huge bear(?) *I can't tell them apart or who was who
one night the deer attacked the bear...
taken away together and the girl's father had to cut the antlers off to get them out of the bear.
Somehow the girl married the boy but the boy died vengeful when the bear and deer died.
The girl, now woman was forced to travel the paths that the boy had gone through everynight.
The Forest spirits were vengeful as well... Walabou on stilts
One buck forgave the woman and traveled with her, protected her.
but the woman's daughter was untouched and unharmed by the spirits when they went out so the woman hoped that they would one day accept her.
Back to the drawing room. My mother was drawing out a lesson with big Q's. little q's don't loop and she was afraid that the people would laugh at her. I told her to just quit. Make a joke about ex-quiting or something...
A silouette of a toddler riding on a large buck as the woman walked next to them in the snow, the moon behind them.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
I had something good to put here but I forgot
Song of Goodness: Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl
So today at around 9:30 am some investors are coming to look at the apartment. I have no idea why, perhaps to see 'what nice things apartments can turn into'? Well it's very annoying to have to clean everything for someone to look around at.
On related topics, as I was cleaning my closet, I finally found that black dress with all the nice green flowers and leaves on it. I also found all my missing hair brushes. Lovely. Also, as I was changing the sheets on my bed, I was very annoyed to see just how much of my hair ended up on them after I washed them. I'm shedding like a cat! Grr.. I dunno.. makes me thinks about going bald, or maybe getting nicer sheets? Or a dryer sheet that will collect fuzz? I think... that for now on, whenever I go to bed and my hair isn't wet, I'll braid it. Maybe that will help..
Snape is missing form the AskSeverusSnape yahoo group again. I'm waiting to find out the difference between a Charm and a Curse and where House Elfs originated from. One of the Slytherins wants to decorate eggs and throw them at some Gryffindors..
Dreams
Ick. The kind of dreams that I would rather just forget about...
Basically somehow I was visiting my Dad with James. We went up to his ap[artment and my sister was there, we were going to share a room as usual. :) Some things went on like any normal day and I have no idea why, but my Dad took James and I to some Gospel church... I remember sitting down in some long, tall, uncomfortable wooden pews and looking up to the front and seeing a choir and anticipating some great music. Unfortunately I saw that the choir was mosly old men. I knew that the music would probably not be very good since their choir had that off-balanced look.
So I decided to skip the sermon and somehow I ended up at my first highschool... it was a little bit more urban and the strange part was that it really wasn't my school at all. I meandered around with some people I knew, for some reason the track team from my SC highschool team was there with me. I stopped by some sort of desk (the kind that is like a wall with a hole cut out that is turned into a desk) and Asst. Coach Miri was there. She had some sort of list of all the track memebers and asked me to help pick out a Captain. I felt really bad because I didn't know any of the people on the list and the people that I liked years ago quit or something.
I ended up leaving and running around the school some more.. the sae people followed me around and we went down some stairs and I was like, "Isn't my school so much better than your school?" and everyone agreed. What really was strange that this really wasn't my school and I just kept going down the stairs. Somehow I ended outside on a hill next to some a big shed/outside room that held lawn equipment. my Dad came by in some old beat up pickup truck and asked me where I had been. I said around and as we drove away my Dad was a little bit mad becase he only had (I think) 3 hours left with me and those hours had to be spent driving me home. Then I felt really bad for running off and usiong up the time showing off stuff instead of spending it with him. Like we were supposed to do something really special and I spoiled it.
The last part of the dream.. I was stranded on some sort of Island with about 3 other people.. I wasn't myself but a different person and I somehow ended up sharing a house with this man. It felt as if we were either stranded on some horror island or we were on some reality show. Somehow we had to change rooms every night because each room went bad after one day (think Stephen King's story about the people who went into the past from an airplane and some round monsters came to eat everything) and I think at some point some insects covered us at night. Or maybe some honey fell on us.. I have no idea. It was weird. The other couple had to share a house with each other too.
So today at around 9:30 am some investors are coming to look at the apartment. I have no idea why, perhaps to see 'what nice things apartments can turn into'? Well it's very annoying to have to clean everything for someone to look around at.
On related topics, as I was cleaning my closet, I finally found that black dress with all the nice green flowers and leaves on it. I also found all my missing hair brushes. Lovely. Also, as I was changing the sheets on my bed, I was very annoyed to see just how much of my hair ended up on them after I washed them. I'm shedding like a cat! Grr.. I dunno.. makes me thinks about going bald, or maybe getting nicer sheets? Or a dryer sheet that will collect fuzz? I think... that for now on, whenever I go to bed and my hair isn't wet, I'll braid it. Maybe that will help..
Snape is missing form the AskSeverusSnape yahoo group again. I'm waiting to find out the difference between a Charm and a Curse and where House Elfs originated from. One of the Slytherins wants to decorate eggs and throw them at some Gryffindors..
Dreams
Ick. The kind of dreams that I would rather just forget about...
Basically somehow I was visiting my Dad with James. We went up to his ap[artment and my sister was there, we were going to share a room as usual. :) Some things went on like any normal day and I have no idea why, but my Dad took James and I to some Gospel church... I remember sitting down in some long, tall, uncomfortable wooden pews and looking up to the front and seeing a choir and anticipating some great music. Unfortunately I saw that the choir was mosly old men. I knew that the music would probably not be very good since their choir had that off-balanced look.
So I decided to skip the sermon and somehow I ended up at my first highschool... it was a little bit more urban and the strange part was that it really wasn't my school at all. I meandered around with some people I knew, for some reason the track team from my SC highschool team was there with me. I stopped by some sort of desk (the kind that is like a wall with a hole cut out that is turned into a desk) and Asst. Coach Miri was there. She had some sort of list of all the track memebers and asked me to help pick out a Captain. I felt really bad because I didn't know any of the people on the list and the people that I liked years ago quit or something.
I ended up leaving and running around the school some more.. the sae people followed me around and we went down some stairs and I was like, "Isn't my school so much better than your school?" and everyone agreed. What really was strange that this really wasn't my school and I just kept going down the stairs. Somehow I ended outside on a hill next to some a big shed/outside room that held lawn equipment. my Dad came by in some old beat up pickup truck and asked me where I had been. I said around and as we drove away my Dad was a little bit mad becase he only had (I think) 3 hours left with me and those hours had to be spent driving me home. Then I felt really bad for running off and usiong up the time showing off stuff instead of spending it with him. Like we were supposed to do something really special and I spoiled it.
The last part of the dream.. I was stranded on some sort of Island with about 3 other people.. I wasn't myself but a different person and I somehow ended up sharing a house with this man. It felt as if we were either stranded on some horror island or we were on some reality show. Somehow we had to change rooms every night because each room went bad after one day (think Stephen King's story about the people who went into the past from an airplane and some round monsters came to eat everything) and I think at some point some insects covered us at night. Or maybe some honey fell on us.. I have no idea. It was weird. The other couple had to share a house with each other too.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
3 pm and I'm already tired
Song of Goodness: Tori Amos - Ode to the Banana King
Well let's see...
today I walked over to Walgreens and bought some Jelly Bellies, an egg dying kit and some wonderful lipgloss. Strawberry Wet and Wild version. It smells so good. :)
The Jelly Bellies are for the bag of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans I'm going to make and send to my best friend, Kelly. She loves HP as much as I do... she bought every book and listens to the audio books. She was lecturing me on how to say Hermione as soon as she found out how. All I need to buy is a new box of the commercial Bertie Botts and mix all them together and send them. The commercial box is tiny and is like 1/5 Vomit flavour. lol. There really shouldn't be that many in such a small ratio. So I decided to create my own and send them. :) Kelly thought that it was a marvelous idea. I actually have a box of the Vomit flavoured kind but I think they are a litle bit old and I don't want to send stale jelly beans through the mail.. I'll have to make my own bag and box to put them in.
The egg dying kit is for me. :) We didn't dye any eggs this Easter but I wanted to so I just went and bought it half off. I like hard boiled eggs a little bit.. I never eat the yellow part. When I was little I thought that it smelled and looked funny and of course, the yellow part is the baby chick part so I've never been able to actively eat that part. I always take the yellow mush out and wash the white part out before eating it.
I just spent the better part of an hour scrubbing the bathroom. My mom does not know how to clean. After 20 min of scrubbing soap scum out of the tub, I asked her if she actually ever scrubbed that part off when she says she's going to wash it. She responded saying how much stronger I am than her, which means, no she only lightly rinsed it. Grr. My arms are going to be sore tomorrow. And I'm annoyed that we don't have a proper cleaner like Scrubbing Bubbles because she claims that she doesn't want James to have an allergic reaction... too much babying going on here.
And now I'm wet, and covered in that dry green cleaning powder stuff, and tired. So I'm going to bed. Only now I feel bad about using the sink I just spent 20 min scrubbing to wash my face in.
This is why I never clean. :P
Well let's see...
today I walked over to Walgreens and bought some Jelly Bellies, an egg dying kit and some wonderful lipgloss. Strawberry Wet and Wild version. It smells so good. :)
The Jelly Bellies are for the bag of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans I'm going to make and send to my best friend, Kelly. She loves HP as much as I do... she bought every book and listens to the audio books. She was lecturing me on how to say Hermione as soon as she found out how. All I need to buy is a new box of the commercial Bertie Botts and mix all them together and send them. The commercial box is tiny and is like 1/5 Vomit flavour. lol. There really shouldn't be that many in such a small ratio. So I decided to create my own and send them. :) Kelly thought that it was a marvelous idea. I actually have a box of the Vomit flavoured kind but I think they are a litle bit old and I don't want to send stale jelly beans through the mail.. I'll have to make my own bag and box to put them in.
The egg dying kit is for me. :) We didn't dye any eggs this Easter but I wanted to so I just went and bought it half off. I like hard boiled eggs a little bit.. I never eat the yellow part. When I was little I thought that it smelled and looked funny and of course, the yellow part is the baby chick part so I've never been able to actively eat that part. I always take the yellow mush out and wash the white part out before eating it.
I just spent the better part of an hour scrubbing the bathroom. My mom does not know how to clean. After 20 min of scrubbing soap scum out of the tub, I asked her if she actually ever scrubbed that part off when she says she's going to wash it. She responded saying how much stronger I am than her, which means, no she only lightly rinsed it. Grr. My arms are going to be sore tomorrow. And I'm annoyed that we don't have a proper cleaner like Scrubbing Bubbles because she claims that she doesn't want James to have an allergic reaction... too much babying going on here.
And now I'm wet, and covered in that dry green cleaning powder stuff, and tired. So I'm going to bed. Only now I feel bad about using the sink I just spent 20 min scrubbing to wash my face in.
This is why I never clean. :P
skilled at making covert conversation
Song of Goodness: Yoko Kanno - Nowhere and Everywhere
One of the reasons why I like to read well writen stories about Snape, Malfoy, Slytherins in general, and other good speakers (Spock!) is their "skill at making covert conversation". A way of implying certain things and putting other things delicately. Dexterity of saying precisely what they mean in the most concise way possible (it really irritates me how my mom always misses this! She always changes everything I say around! Gr.). And I love spotting word traps... things you say just to manipluate another person (Evasive manuvers!) into forgetting what they are really after... changing their motives.
like annoying someone so that they become exasperted and leave the table fuming, and totally uncaring about what they had originally wanted to know.
I used to be quite skilled at that one, without even knowing that I was doing it on purpose..
of course now, I have neither the oppurtunity nor the desire to do so. Hmm.
Hear what I mean, not what I say.
And I'm such a novice, a baby at communication.
[In case anyone was wondering what brought that little rant up- I just read chapter 11 of Mirriam Q Webster's Harry Potter and the Long Summer.]
One of the reasons why I like to read well writen stories about Snape, Malfoy, Slytherins in general, and other good speakers (Spock!) is their "skill at making covert conversation". A way of implying certain things and putting other things delicately. Dexterity of saying precisely what they mean in the most concise way possible (it really irritates me how my mom always misses this! She always changes everything I say around! Gr.). And I love spotting word traps... things you say just to manipluate another person (Evasive manuvers!) into forgetting what they are really after... changing their motives.
like annoying someone so that they become exasperted and leave the table fuming, and totally uncaring about what they had originally wanted to know.
I used to be quite skilled at that one, without even knowing that I was doing it on purpose..
of course now, I have neither the oppurtunity nor the desire to do so. Hmm.
Hear what I mean, not what I say.
And I'm such a novice, a baby at communication.
[In case anyone was wondering what brought that little rant up- I just read chapter 11 of Mirriam Q Webster's Harry Potter and the Long Summer.]
Monday, April 12, 2004
gacked from Jess-chan
| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Jan_AQ's Syndrome | |
| Cause: | a significant alignment of the stars |
| Symptoms: | brain swelling, temperature sensitivity, extreme ectoplasm, buzzing noises |
| Cure: | acupuncture |
Dreams
Lots of dreams again but I can't remember them all...
First part.
Somehow I was stuck in some rich guy's house.. like a mafia guy or something. I think I was a hostage or kidnapped or something. There was a women there who welcomed me, said I'd like it well enough and then stretched out like a cat and invited me to the pool. I was going to change into a swimming suit and go swimming (I was thinking if it was only me and the lady I could wear a bikini woohoo!) only I walked into a huge locker room. And I couldn't find my locker. And then somehow all these people showed up and one of the corners turned into a hardware/outside store. I was very put-out that I would have to share the pool with everyone.
and then I guess I was back in school again.. it felt like elementray school and high school mixed into one.
I was playing soccer in gym class.. Bobby was there and afterwards we worked on some sort of computer assignment. My computer went a little haywire and messed up as it always does and as I was restarting it, the part about baseball was displayed, albeit fuzzy (it was a short video clip of someone pitching or something and it was repeating over and overagain) and Bobby Th*mps*n said, "Stephen, look at that! You can't let her have a better presentation about baseball than you!" hehe.. he was impressed but annoyed. Hm.
A different part.
It was a cross between my brother James and my sister... I was trying to take a toy or something away and was being really forceful. This one really bothered me, as we were wrestling and somehow I ended up smacking a bare bum. I wonder what this means.
First part.
Somehow I was stuck in some rich guy's house.. like a mafia guy or something. I think I was a hostage or kidnapped or something. There was a women there who welcomed me, said I'd like it well enough and then stretched out like a cat and invited me to the pool. I was going to change into a swimming suit and go swimming (I was thinking if it was only me and the lady I could wear a bikini woohoo!) only I walked into a huge locker room. And I couldn't find my locker. And then somehow all these people showed up and one of the corners turned into a hardware/outside store. I was very put-out that I would have to share the pool with everyone.
and then I guess I was back in school again.. it felt like elementray school and high school mixed into one.
I was playing soccer in gym class.. Bobby was there and afterwards we worked on some sort of computer assignment. My computer went a little haywire and messed up as it always does and as I was restarting it, the part about baseball was displayed, albeit fuzzy (it was a short video clip of someone pitching or something and it was repeating over and overagain) and Bobby Th*mps*n said, "Stephen, look at that! You can't let her have a better presentation about baseball than you!" hehe.. he was impressed but annoyed. Hm.
A different part.
It was a cross between my brother James and my sister... I was trying to take a toy or something away and was being really forceful. This one really bothered me, as we were wrestling and somehow I ended up smacking a bare bum. I wonder what this means.
three dimensional viewer
Song of Goodness: Barenaked Ladies - When You Dream
What I love about vrml.
I always wish that I could create that beautiful, serene look and feeling with vrml. I've seen many creators do it and it's so gorgeous.. it's the same feeling that this song When You Dream invokes.. the visual feelings you get during the peaceful quiet times in the LotR movies..
tranquility
and the feeling of soft, bright, gentle, creamy colors
MMmmmm..
I really wish to someday make a beautiful serene castle sanctuary.
It's difficult since my creations always come out boxy and too severely colored.. too dark.
Perhaps one day I'll be able to create it.. and then the feeling will be soo intense that I will sit and look, and feel and become lost.. maybe I'll be so lost in the moment that I'll stop breathing
and die
What I love about vrml.
I always wish that I could create that beautiful, serene look and feeling with vrml. I've seen many creators do it and it's so gorgeous.. it's the same feeling that this song When You Dream invokes.. the visual feelings you get during the peaceful quiet times in the LotR movies..
tranquility
and the feeling of soft, bright, gentle, creamy colors
MMmmmm..
I really wish to someday make a beautiful serene castle sanctuary.
It's difficult since my creations always come out boxy and too severely colored.. too dark.
Perhaps one day I'll be able to create it.. and then the feeling will be soo intense that I will sit and look, and feel and become lost.. maybe I'll be so lost in the moment that I'll stop breathing
and die
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Saturday, April 10, 2004
I'm 'Kirking' you
James: "Ah! They didn't get the Zesty kind! I specifically asked for them!"
Me: Hahaha! (When I asked for Regular, they got Zesty and we both know this.)
James: "What must I do?"
Me: "Maybe put a 'Zesty' sticker on them to keep me from eating them..." *EG*
James" I just might.."
James: "Rah!" *He puts his hands together and pretends to pound my back*
Me: "What are you doing?"
James: "I'm Kirking you!" *a pretended jump kick and he rebounds to the floor*
Me: "What?!?"
James: "You know, what James T Kirk does... haha.. When diplomacy fails, it's Kirking time!"
So when I gave my mom a brief summary of what my dreams were of last night she said that it wa just a manisfitation of my inquisitive nature. ["You never really figure out what happens, right? Just like real life, no on can ever answer anything to your satisfaction".] She also thinks that they show that I still want to go to Star Fleet Academy and become a scientist. Hmm..
Me: Hahaha! (When I asked for Regular, they got Zesty and we both know this.)
James: "What must I do?"
Me: "Maybe put a 'Zesty' sticker on them to keep me from eating them..." *EG*
James" I just might.."
James: "Rah!" *He puts his hands together and pretends to pound my back*
Me: "What are you doing?"
James: "I'm Kirking you!" *a pretended jump kick and he rebounds to the floor*
Me: "What?!?"
James: "You know, what James T Kirk does... haha.. When diplomacy fails, it's Kirking time!"
So when I gave my mom a brief summary of what my dreams were of last night she said that it wa just a manisfitation of my inquisitive nature. ["You never really figure out what happens, right? Just like real life, no on can ever answer anything to your satisfaction".] She also thinks that they show that I still want to go to Star Fleet Academy and become a scientist. Hmm..
cookies are yummy
Song of Goodness: The Wrens - Happy
Interesting song. Lots going on...
The Dream Team
So, the earliest I can remember: I had moved somewhere west.. perhaps California or North Dakota or somewhere.. it was not anywhere near the ocean. I think I was going to college there or something. I think that I was on a school basketball team, I clearly remember running around in a gym and passing balls around and sweatbands. I think that we traveled to some sort of outside tournament... I rememebr sitting in bleachers and grass... thousands of people around me were dressed up in vibrant colors and holding hand made signs. I felt kind of like those big cheerleading tournaments only I think it was football. I talked to some girl people I knew... I think I bragged at how some big basketball players from Michigan and New York if placed on the same team would extinguish any competition. I went all out, saying this guy can 'slang term' this guy with his hands behind his back. I was wuite surprised that I knew all this. My real self expected to get beat up but the people I spoke to seemed to except it and were slightly impressed.
Scene change. I went to work in a mall at The Bath + Body store. I had the little apron thingy and everything. Not very crowded. At the enterance one of my friends walked in with her date. She was in her early 20s, black and had one of those cute poof ball hair-dos. Her date was a sticky young man who like maybe Scottish. They kinda reminded me of a younger, hipper version of Uhura and Scotty from Star Trek. I felt that this wasn't the type of store that they both would appreciate so I turned it into a music store. The apron disappeared and I no longer worked there. I approached my friend, they had gotten into some sort of disagreement and the guy left. Worried that my friend was upset, I decided to walk her back home. We walked through the mall to one of the exits, this exit was lovely with a glass ceilingand outside. I suppose that the mall and the place we wanted to go was connected with a path or something because it was very close. The ground was covered with snow so I couldn't really tell. We walked around a large mound of snow (a mountain!) towards our hidden destination. The snow mound now hid the mall the way it had hid our destination before. Around us, it looked as if we were stranded in the middle of nowhere with only an entrance before us. Perhaps a temp fortress. A (ice?) wall made out of ice bricks stuck together in front of a white dome opening. The concrete ground and shallow steps before it had been shoveled off but still were dusted with snow. The sun was disappearing and it started to flurry. A young guy at the top of the ice wall called out to us. I had a feeling that he was on our side and just wanted us inside quickly.
I wanted us inside quickly but my friend had spotted a moving blue bundle on the steps. She picked it up. It was a little baby boy. Needless to say, she was very happy and rocked it in her arms. I was feeling a little anxious and tried to encourage her to enter. She somehow produced a bottle and fed the baby, cooing to it. Somehow I guided her inside. We were in a darkened hallway. In front of us was a doorway leading into a brightly lit room with people in. I coaxed to go into it, sickbay I knew. We had to report this new occurance. The room was large and lit kinda yellowish. The walls looked like they were made of cinderblocks. Tables filled the room holding plastic crates of records. A young taskforce team sat on the nearest tables on the left, still in their green camo uniforms and joking loudly.
On an area on the wall on the left was a medical area. Equipment and clear windows covered the walls and a doorway lead further into more medical rooms and an office. A young doctor in a blue lab coat finished with a member of he taskforce and he joined his mates. She then walked over to us. She reminded me of a young Dr. Beverly Crusher from TNG. "Ah, another one? Just put it over there." An assistant came over and took care of my friend and the baby. "That's the __ number this week!" A young Riker came into the room to check in. He even had a beard. "How's little TJ doing?" he asked and looked into one window that showed a baby in a yellow terry cloth outfit, complete with cap on a diagnosis bed. He checked in and then left saying that he had a meeting to get to. The Doctor had a anxious, tired, perplexed look on her face and she told her assistant to finish up for her. I follwed her out of the room and into the darkened hallway. We turned right, further into the complex. There were no windows. As we walked, we started to speak about that was going on. I got the impression that I was her friend and that I was more than an Ensign but below a Commander.
I recalled that our ship had gotten stranded here and how in a conversation with one of the people of the planet, he had goofed up and when we mentioned one of our scans he had said that there were 700 more of something than there should be. I suspected a Plot. I was immediatly worried when the Doctor said that she was going to do a study and visit the top surface. As we walked light beams over head appreared and became more numerous the deeper in we traveled. I wanted to warn her to the possibility of danger and perhaps being pulled into the same problem that Riker and my friend had but before I could express myself properly, a couple of girls joined us. I got the feeling that Crusher was popular. It was this time that I noticed that I was still wearing a very heavy coat, carried a big shopping bag and was kneeling on a hover tray*. Knowing that my manuverablity was limited in such conditions I immediatly tried to get off the tray and get it to carry my stuff instead. When I tried to drape my coat over it, it shot to the ceiling. Someone made a funny comment about fur or something that I didn't get and when I asked about it, they pointed up at the hover craft. I was slightly embarrased to note that it had a black and shinny fur covering. I spotted a leopard print on the left side and a cow one on the right. I was resigned to the fate that I would have to maintain physical contact with the tray if I wanted it to obey me easily. I noticed that by this point that our group had attracted several more girls and that our party had grown to about 7 people. I squashed any feelings of jealousy that they were taking away the time I had to talk to Crusher with their little silly gossip talk. The hallway was warm and well lit by this point. The floor was carpeted. We turned left. I noticed that Jean and Kim (from Paramus who was in my math class.. wore glasses had an upturned nose and wore cool colorful clothes..later seeen at lhu) were in the group. I was glad that Jean was in the group and I felt as if she was just as worried as I was about the Plot. Kim was on a pair of crutches. Suddenly a group of guys (a soccer team?) ran through our group and left us a little bit annoyed and disoriented.
We traveled a little bit further to a lift (elevator) and pressed the button to call it. We entered it, and I think I brought the tray in with me. The life was spacious and easily held all of us comfortably. I wanted to talk to Crusher again and try to warn her but I was hesitant to do so in front of the others. We traveled up to the top floor and somehow, in all the hussle and bustle not everyone was able to exit the lift. I was dismayed that along with Jean and I was unable to exit the elevator before it started to close. I hoped that Crusher would wait for me before exiting the building. I felt that it was crucial that I see her off. Kim had left her crutches in the elevator when she was swept out earlier and one leaned against the elevator back wall while the other was on the floor. The elevator started to move back downwards and I hoped that it wouldn't go far. I was very upset that it then traveled all the way down to the 20's. It would take forever to make it all the way back up and Crusher would be long gone by then. At level 22 the doors opened. A guy dressed up in mine outfit entered. Kim's boyfriend I thought. He knodded hello and picked up the forgotten crutches, I suppose he recognized them. I turned towards the doors to see if any of the people in the pandemonium outside them would enter as well. A lady with her pooch looked at me as if she was waiting for permisison to enter. I suppose my look gave it because she entered and then the doors closed again.
I hoped fervently that he elevator wouldn't make any more stops or travel up and down before I got back up to the top. If I got back up quick enough, i might be able to run outside and catch up with Crusher, to make sure that she would be alright. Then I woke up.
*levatation is a reoccuring theme in my dreams. It is surprising but not unexpected to find myself floating around somewhere. I usually try to end it as soon as I notice, so as not to get caught. Generally, it is something that is produced in a higher, fuzzy state of mind and I have not produced such a state on purpose since I was a child. As such, it is difficult to control in my dreams and produces some anxiety.
Interesting song. Lots going on...
The Dream Team
So, the earliest I can remember: I had moved somewhere west.. perhaps California or North Dakota or somewhere.. it was not anywhere near the ocean. I think I was going to college there or something. I think that I was on a school basketball team, I clearly remember running around in a gym and passing balls around and sweatbands. I think that we traveled to some sort of outside tournament... I rememebr sitting in bleachers and grass... thousands of people around me were dressed up in vibrant colors and holding hand made signs. I felt kind of like those big cheerleading tournaments only I think it was football. I talked to some girl people I knew... I think I bragged at how some big basketball players from Michigan and New York if placed on the same team would extinguish any competition. I went all out, saying this guy can 'slang term' this guy with his hands behind his back. I was wuite surprised that I knew all this. My real self expected to get beat up but the people I spoke to seemed to except it and were slightly impressed.
Scene change. I went to work in a mall at The Bath + Body store. I had the little apron thingy and everything. Not very crowded. At the enterance one of my friends walked in with her date. She was in her early 20s, black and had one of those cute poof ball hair-dos. Her date was a sticky young man who like maybe Scottish. They kinda reminded me of a younger, hipper version of Uhura and Scotty from Star Trek. I felt that this wasn't the type of store that they both would appreciate so I turned it into a music store. The apron disappeared and I no longer worked there. I approached my friend, they had gotten into some sort of disagreement and the guy left. Worried that my friend was upset, I decided to walk her back home. We walked through the mall to one of the exits, this exit was lovely with a glass ceilingand outside. I suppose that the mall and the place we wanted to go was connected with a path or something because it was very close. The ground was covered with snow so I couldn't really tell. We walked around a large mound of snow (a mountain!) towards our hidden destination. The snow mound now hid the mall the way it had hid our destination before. Around us, it looked as if we were stranded in the middle of nowhere with only an entrance before us. Perhaps a temp fortress. A (ice?) wall made out of ice bricks stuck together in front of a white dome opening. The concrete ground and shallow steps before it had been shoveled off but still were dusted with snow. The sun was disappearing and it started to flurry. A young guy at the top of the ice wall called out to us. I had a feeling that he was on our side and just wanted us inside quickly.
I wanted us inside quickly but my friend had spotted a moving blue bundle on the steps. She picked it up. It was a little baby boy. Needless to say, she was very happy and rocked it in her arms. I was feeling a little anxious and tried to encourage her to enter. She somehow produced a bottle and fed the baby, cooing to it. Somehow I guided her inside. We were in a darkened hallway. In front of us was a doorway leading into a brightly lit room with people in. I coaxed to go into it, sickbay I knew. We had to report this new occurance. The room was large and lit kinda yellowish. The walls looked like they were made of cinderblocks. Tables filled the room holding plastic crates of records. A young taskforce team sat on the nearest tables on the left, still in their green camo uniforms and joking loudly.
On an area on the wall on the left was a medical area. Equipment and clear windows covered the walls and a doorway lead further into more medical rooms and an office. A young doctor in a blue lab coat finished with a member of he taskforce and he joined his mates. She then walked over to us. She reminded me of a young Dr. Beverly Crusher from TNG. "Ah, another one? Just put it over there." An assistant came over and took care of my friend and the baby. "That's the __ number this week!" A young Riker came into the room to check in. He even had a beard. "How's little TJ doing?" he asked and looked into one window that showed a baby in a yellow terry cloth outfit, complete with cap on a diagnosis bed. He checked in and then left saying that he had a meeting to get to. The Doctor had a anxious, tired, perplexed look on her face and she told her assistant to finish up for her. I follwed her out of the room and into the darkened hallway. We turned right, further into the complex. There were no windows. As we walked, we started to speak about that was going on. I got the impression that I was her friend and that I was more than an Ensign but below a Commander.
I recalled that our ship had gotten stranded here and how in a conversation with one of the people of the planet, he had goofed up and when we mentioned one of our scans he had said that there were 700 more of something than there should be. I suspected a Plot. I was immediatly worried when the Doctor said that she was going to do a study and visit the top surface. As we walked light beams over head appreared and became more numerous the deeper in we traveled. I wanted to warn her to the possibility of danger and perhaps being pulled into the same problem that Riker and my friend had but before I could express myself properly, a couple of girls joined us. I got the feeling that Crusher was popular. It was this time that I noticed that I was still wearing a very heavy coat, carried a big shopping bag and was kneeling on a hover tray*. Knowing that my manuverablity was limited in such conditions I immediatly tried to get off the tray and get it to carry my stuff instead. When I tried to drape my coat over it, it shot to the ceiling. Someone made a funny comment about fur or something that I didn't get and when I asked about it, they pointed up at the hover craft. I was slightly embarrased to note that it had a black and shinny fur covering. I spotted a leopard print on the left side and a cow one on the right. I was resigned to the fate that I would have to maintain physical contact with the tray if I wanted it to obey me easily. I noticed that by this point that our group had attracted several more girls and that our party had grown to about 7 people. I squashed any feelings of jealousy that they were taking away the time I had to talk to Crusher with their little silly gossip talk. The hallway was warm and well lit by this point. The floor was carpeted. We turned left. I noticed that Jean and Kim (from Paramus who was in my math class.. wore glasses had an upturned nose and wore cool colorful clothes..later seeen at lhu) were in the group. I was glad that Jean was in the group and I felt as if she was just as worried as I was about the Plot. Kim was on a pair of crutches. Suddenly a group of guys (a soccer team?) ran through our group and left us a little bit annoyed and disoriented.
We traveled a little bit further to a lift (elevator) and pressed the button to call it. We entered it, and I think I brought the tray in with me. The life was spacious and easily held all of us comfortably. I wanted to talk to Crusher again and try to warn her but I was hesitant to do so in front of the others. We traveled up to the top floor and somehow, in all the hussle and bustle not everyone was able to exit the lift. I was dismayed that along with Jean and I was unable to exit the elevator before it started to close. I hoped that Crusher would wait for me before exiting the building. I felt that it was crucial that I see her off. Kim had left her crutches in the elevator when she was swept out earlier and one leaned against the elevator back wall while the other was on the floor. The elevator started to move back downwards and I hoped that it wouldn't go far. I was very upset that it then traveled all the way down to the 20's. It would take forever to make it all the way back up and Crusher would be long gone by then. At level 22 the doors opened. A guy dressed up in mine outfit entered. Kim's boyfriend I thought. He knodded hello and picked up the forgotten crutches, I suppose he recognized them. I turned towards the doors to see if any of the people in the pandemonium outside them would enter as well. A lady with her pooch looked at me as if she was waiting for permisison to enter. I suppose my look gave it because she entered and then the doors closed again.
I hoped fervently that he elevator wouldn't make any more stops or travel up and down before I got back up to the top. If I got back up quick enough, i might be able to run outside and catch up with Crusher, to make sure that she would be alright. Then I woke up.
*levatation is a reoccuring theme in my dreams. It is surprising but not unexpected to find myself floating around somewhere. I usually try to end it as soon as I notice, so as not to get caught. Generally, it is something that is produced in a higher, fuzzy state of mind and I have not produced such a state on purpose since I was a child. As such, it is difficult to control in my dreams and produces some anxiety.
Friday, April 09, 2004
book writing..
So my mom is writing a book... she wanted me to give her a list of the major genres in music. I think that my brother and I were able to impress on her the complete impossibilty of doing such a thing. It turns out that the character in her next book is a pianist that has amnesia and can't rememebr what type of music she likes. My mom goes on to say that she wants her to go on a computer and listen to all different tpes of music or something. The more obscure, the better. I couldn't manage to contain myself and I laughed outloud. The only way you manage to discover 'obscure' music worth listening to is from friends... type anything in any serach and all you get are ads for popular music. People in chat room rarely answer you directly if they don't know you. An example of this: the other day I entered an 'Indie' chatroom in Soulseek. I wanted to find a good song to listen to of Middle eastern or Indian origin. I asked if anyone knew of one.. they ignored me and kept talking about I don't even know what it was about. After 30 minutes I changed my question to ask them what their favourite song was.. still no answer. At this time I gave up since they could have responded to me and I wouldn't be able to tell if it was a song title, a comment to another person or a rude comment.
So I decided that I could just gather up all my CDs up and explain the different music styles that I have collected. On one of my Random CDs, I explained Eminem and how good I thougt he was. Maybe she wanted to noticed how much I respected him as a 'musician' and wanted to have the same because the next thing she said was that she could rap too. Parents often do silly things. James and I said she was silly... I knew that she wouldn't understand anything a rapper said, let alone able to produce her own. I then proceeded to recite one of Enimen's lines in My Dad's Gone Crazy you know the one that goes what do I gotta do to get through to you to show you that there ain't nothing i can't take this chainsaw to?.. and told her to repeat it. Needless to say, she butchered it, adding words, repeating others and using correct grammer in an attempt to recreate the rhythm. As James and I laughed she then stated that she had no rhythm. It's ok, I forgive her. Everyone thinks that they can rap. I'll be the first to admit that I cannot.
I then proceeded to show her examples of music that she normally did not listen to. By that, I mean everything I listen to that isn't Classical, Hildegard, Celtic or The Beatles. After listening to some Spanish music, she complained of a headache and a stomach ache. I'll admit that I was slightly amused. I then played some soul, R&B, and rock. She likes some rock. We ended with Yoko Kanno, who she said created songs that were variations of other famous classical stuff, and that she was good at soundtrack type music. Grr.
I get the feeling that she thnks that I should go into a music career.. she keeps hinting about how my brother and I should create a band together (done already, White Stripes!) and how if I listen to music all day I should get a job at a record company and get paid for it (yeah right). How I could be a back-up singer for Enya or join an early music group...
So I decided that I could just gather up all my CDs up and explain the different music styles that I have collected. On one of my Random CDs, I explained Eminem and how good I thougt he was. Maybe she wanted to noticed how much I respected him as a 'musician' and wanted to have the same because the next thing she said was that she could rap too. Parents often do silly things. James and I said she was silly... I knew that she wouldn't understand anything a rapper said, let alone able to produce her own. I then proceeded to recite one of Enimen's lines in My Dad's Gone Crazy you know the one that goes what do I gotta do to get through to you to show you that there ain't nothing i can't take this chainsaw to?.. and told her to repeat it. Needless to say, she butchered it, adding words, repeating others and using correct grammer in an attempt to recreate the rhythm. As James and I laughed she then stated that she had no rhythm. It's ok, I forgive her. Everyone thinks that they can rap. I'll be the first to admit that I cannot.
I then proceeded to show her examples of music that she normally did not listen to. By that, I mean everything I listen to that isn't Classical, Hildegard, Celtic or The Beatles. After listening to some Spanish music, she complained of a headache and a stomach ache. I'll admit that I was slightly amused. I then played some soul, R&B, and rock. She likes some rock. We ended with Yoko Kanno, who she said created songs that were variations of other famous classical stuff, and that she was good at soundtrack type music. Grr.
I get the feeling that she thnks that I should go into a music career.. she keeps hinting about how my brother and I should create a band together (done already, White Stripes!) and how if I listen to music all day I should get a job at a record company and get paid for it (yeah right). How I could be a back-up singer for Enya or join an early music group...
GRR!
I was so freakin mad a minute ago.. as with any strong emotion, the moment I looked at it, it disapated.
I had posted a dream post but Stupid*kicks*dumb Netzero had disconnected and when I clicked the post it was all lost. Grrr..
I'm too lazy to type it all out again... three paragraphs lost! It was about shopping in a grocery store with my family and one of my mom's friends. We got into the cars and the old car that I was in with my stepday.. well we drove through a movie theater! I mean indoors on a carpet. The light at the left was red so we had to wait for it to change. I really wanted some sugar so I looked up at the concession sign and hinted that I wanted some kind of icecream.. I picked really fast because I didn't want to make us miss the light... so I ordered a soft, droppy vanilla icecream cone, that was supposed to have red and blue mist sprayed on it but had solid dye inside instead. We drove off but I thought, that should have taken too long and I should have been left behind so the dream changed. I got left behind.. the car disapeared and I discovered that I was sitting in a boxy brown leather armchair and my left wrist was handcuffed to it. I threw out the yucky icecream, I didn't really like it, dismissed the girl that gave it to me earlier (I noticed that she was wearing a dress and that I was too.. only a bit more Sundayish). I traveled up some hallways, opened some doors while hopping/dragging the armchair... finally found some missionaries in a meeting with their stake president or something and blacked out. Weird.
At the time, finding myself handcuffed to a chair didn't overly bother me. In retrospect, it bothers me a lot. Really a lot.
I had posted a dream post but Stupid*kicks*dumb Netzero had disconnected and when I clicked the post it was all lost. Grrr..
I'm too lazy to type it all out again... three paragraphs lost! It was about shopping in a grocery store with my family and one of my mom's friends. We got into the cars and the old car that I was in with my stepday.. well we drove through a movie theater! I mean indoors on a carpet. The light at the left was red so we had to wait for it to change. I really wanted some sugar so I looked up at the concession sign and hinted that I wanted some kind of icecream.. I picked really fast because I didn't want to make us miss the light... so I ordered a soft, droppy vanilla icecream cone, that was supposed to have red and blue mist sprayed on it but had solid dye inside instead. We drove off but I thought, that should have taken too long and I should have been left behind so the dream changed. I got left behind.. the car disapeared and I discovered that I was sitting in a boxy brown leather armchair and my left wrist was handcuffed to it. I threw out the yucky icecream, I didn't really like it, dismissed the girl that gave it to me earlier (I noticed that she was wearing a dress and that I was too.. only a bit more Sundayish). I traveled up some hallways, opened some doors while hopping/dragging the armchair... finally found some missionaries in a meeting with their stake president or something and blacked out. Weird.
At the time, finding myself handcuffed to a chair didn't overly bother me. In retrospect, it bothers me a lot. Really a lot.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
quizza
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
Did I mention that I bought a Muse CD the other day? More like my brother went to the mall and brought me back it. hehe.. It's Muse - Absolution and the inside cover art is crazy. Too many words used as backgrounds and art woven into the displayed lyrics.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Harry Potter angst pain...
Forgive my redundancy and unskillfullness in the usage of the English language... the best way to become a better writer and communicator, is to practice and I'm afraid that I have quite a bit of practice to go...
I watched a few short scenes of 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' on TV today and I was thinking about this... there must be two totally different aspects, sides, dimensions to Harry Potter. The first side is that Sugary-goodness that is happiness and adventure swelling inside you, a child-like joy and pure delight. The feeling that says, See, they belong together, they're friends and could never come apart, their safe and protected'. That the good grownups have nothing but love for the children and would comfort them, rock them to sleep from nightmares and would never let the bad guys prevail... like so many other childrens' books and adventures... candy adventures. The first two movies, and probably the third also, give off this magical side feeling.
The second side is that darker dimension of good intensions, real-life, tragedy, the failings of humankind.
To err is human...
This part is the darker dimension. It is made up of twists and turns and utter tragedy and angst that creates that itch inside that makes you want to impale yourself on a broom. This is the part that was so obviously there in the third, fourth and fith books... sticking up in your face like a sign if you noticed. If you looked. This is the part that made you feel suffocated in the helplessness of it all to help, the stupid mistakes that had such profound effects. Life. The part that is expounded upon, and only explorered fully in fanfiction... The thousands of 'what-if's and 'could've-beens' all combining to create a type of mental asphyxia in their sheer number and repercussions. This side is full of theories and plots covered up by the goodguys, who we find aren't really good... fics exploring what was hushed up or only brushed over in the novels... (Daddy's Favorite)
The dark side. Where grown-ups play. No unicorns or pixies frolick here, this side is full of murder and torture and smut. Where the consequences of adventures and getting caught are truly explored and everything falls apart. Where everything that can go wrong, does. And it hurts to see the characters struggling through despair and hopelessness. And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts and where's that broom!?! ..
Severus Snape... a character that no one truly knows yet portray with a hundred different personalities, least of all human. And you wonder... why did he turn to Voldemort? What type of emotion and phychological pain did he endure to make him who he is. ("That werewolf almost killed me... I almost died and nobody cared!...") What type of abuse and neglect? ("And Yet He Flinched" other Fics: 'He swore to himself that he would never harm a child.. he would never be his father.') Is he really a redeemed spy grieving for his past mistakes, crimes, and atrocities, shunned by the very people he risks his life for? (Harry keeps suspecting him as a spy in canon; Fic:The Birthday Present Sirius gave him door-rights only, the right to enter but not partake of any food, or rest at Grimwald. Kretcher leaked the beans to Narcissa, and in turn Voldemort:'why did it have to be Him who gave the respect and gratitude and comfort he deserved..) Pushed past the breaking point by two Masters: Dumbledore and Voldemort? Sentenced to all sorts of tortures and submissive acts to prove his loyalty to Voldemort. A trial after Halloween 1981 is mentioned; was he interrogated by Aurors who's families had been raped, tourtured and killed by Death Eaters, who wanted some way to get revenge (Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater... even if he was a spy for the light, no one to help, they'd all look the other way..). Even now is he played with by Voldemort even though they both know he had turncoat? But maybe we're all reading into this too much and he really is just an uncaring sadistic git who is just trying to end up on the winning side by being on both... he may even turncoat again, literally stabbing Dumbeldore in the back (once a traitor, always a traitor...)
and then, of course, the full degration of the characters...
But what really hurts is that it the HP universe could never be candy adventures, and never was.
and Merlin, my eyes are soo tired I can't keep them open another minute and I'm falling asleep at the computer.. I've been up since 11:41 am Saturday...
I watched a few short scenes of 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' on TV today and I was thinking about this... there must be two totally different aspects, sides, dimensions to Harry Potter. The first side is that Sugary-goodness that is happiness and adventure swelling inside you, a child-like joy and pure delight. The feeling that says, See, they belong together, they're friends and could never come apart, their safe and protected'. That the good grownups have nothing but love for the children and would comfort them, rock them to sleep from nightmares and would never let the bad guys prevail... like so many other childrens' books and adventures... candy adventures. The first two movies, and probably the third also, give off this magical side feeling.
The second side is that darker dimension of good intensions, real-life, tragedy, the failings of humankind.
To err is human...
This part is the darker dimension. It is made up of twists and turns and utter tragedy and angst that creates that itch inside that makes you want to impale yourself on a broom. This is the part that was so obviously there in the third, fourth and fith books... sticking up in your face like a sign if you noticed. If you looked. This is the part that made you feel suffocated in the helplessness of it all to help, the stupid mistakes that had such profound effects. Life. The part that is expounded upon, and only explorered fully in fanfiction... The thousands of 'what-if's and 'could've-beens' all combining to create a type of mental asphyxia in their sheer number and repercussions. This side is full of theories and plots covered up by the goodguys, who we find aren't really good... fics exploring what was hushed up or only brushed over in the novels... (Daddy's Favorite)
The dark side. Where grown-ups play. No unicorns or pixies frolick here, this side is full of murder and torture and smut. Where the consequences of adventures and getting caught are truly explored and everything falls apart. Where everything that can go wrong, does. And it hurts to see the characters struggling through despair and hopelessness. And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts and where's that broom!?! ..
Severus Snape... a character that no one truly knows yet portray with a hundred different personalities, least of all human. And you wonder... why did he turn to Voldemort? What type of emotion and phychological pain did he endure to make him who he is. ("That werewolf almost killed me... I almost died and nobody cared!...") What type of abuse and neglect? ("And Yet He Flinched" other Fics: 'He swore to himself that he would never harm a child.. he would never be his father.') Is he really a redeemed spy grieving for his past mistakes, crimes, and atrocities, shunned by the very people he risks his life for? (Harry keeps suspecting him as a spy in canon; Fic:
and then, of course, the full degration of the characters...
But what really hurts is that it the HP universe could never be candy adventures, and never was.
and Merlin, my eyes are soo tired I can't keep them open another minute and I'm falling asleep at the computer.. I've been up since 11:41 am Saturday...
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Quizzas!
Song of Goodness: Disney's Lady and the Tramp - The Siamese Cat song
(Bobby McFerrin has a wonderful version..)
It looks like I'm quiz happy today. :) Gee my blog just a nice waste of blogspace huh? ;) At least it's not a 'DeadJournal'...
Just for fun I did some quizzes.. I'm sure these results are skewered because I dress and act totally different when I'm home alone as opposed to when I'm out and actually interested in potential boys. ;) hmm..
This one was a nice result, I suppose if I actually gave anyone a chance this would be true lol (I'm such a snot!):
More in-tune with my sweat=pants self...
You Are a Friendly Flirt!
You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone.
And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly.
You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls.
And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!
What Kind of Flirt Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
You'll Find a Boyfriend Within a Year
Either you're not ready for a relationship...
Or you're not quite ready to leave the house
You can't meet a guy from your couch
So at least consider meeting one from your computer!
When Will You Have a Boyfriend? Take This Quiz :-)
You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Busy
While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses...
... You don't give men enough of your time.
As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.
Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)
You are a Romantic Realist
Okay, so you fall in the middle.
You know that love isn't like a greeting card...
Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings.
You are the best of both worlds
Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious.
Almost any guy can find balance with you.
Are You Romantic or Realistic? Take This Quiz :-)
What Guys Think of Your Long Straight Hair...
Sexy, desirable, and hard to please.
A girl who's so stunning that you've got them lined up around the block!
What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? Take This Quiz :-)
What Guys Think of Your Ponytail...
Girlish, free spirited, low maintenance.
The kind of girl he can take camping ... for fire building and romance :-)
What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? Take This Quiz :-)
What Dating TV Show Should You Go On? Blind Date!
You're fun, free spirited, and not looking to be tied down.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't date.
Au contraire, you should meet a lot of men.
And a show like Blind Date matches your relaxed approach.
What Dating Show Should You Go On? Take This Quiz :-)
(Bobby McFerrin has a wonderful version..)
It looks like I'm quiz happy today. :) Gee my blog just a nice waste of blogspace huh? ;) At least it's not a 'DeadJournal'...
Just for fun I did some quizzes.. I'm sure these results are skewered because I dress and act totally different when I'm home alone as opposed to when I'm out and actually interested in potential boys. ;) hmm..
This one was a nice result, I suppose if I actually gave anyone a chance this would be true lol (I'm such a snot!):
|
You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's... You get the most dates of any girl you know It's your whole five star package that attracts men - Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue. Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz :-) |
More in-tune with my sweat=pants self...
|
You Attract A Good Amount of Guys While you may not get the most offers in the room, You've got a good thing going - dating wise You could flirt more and dress up a bit to attract more guys But in general, you are doing just fine! Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz :-) |
You Are a Friendly Flirt!
You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone.
And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly.
You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls.
And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!
What Kind of Flirt Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
You'll Find a Boyfriend Within a Year
Either you're not ready for a relationship...
Or you're not quite ready to leave the house
You can't meet a guy from your couch
So at least consider meeting one from your computer!
When Will You Have a Boyfriend? Take This Quiz :-)
You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Busy
While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses...
... You don't give men enough of your time.
As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.
Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)
You are a Romantic Realist
Okay, so you fall in the middle.
You know that love isn't like a greeting card...
Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings.
You are the best of both worlds
Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious.
Almost any guy can find balance with you.
Are You Romantic or Realistic? Take This Quiz :-)
|
You Are Low Maintenance Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a dormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight. Are You High Maintenance? Take This Quiz :-) |
What Guys Think of Your Long Straight Hair...
Sexy, desirable, and hard to please.
A girl who's so stunning that you've got them lined up around the block!
What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? Take This Quiz :-)
What Guys Think of Your Ponytail...
Girlish, free spirited, low maintenance.
The kind of girl he can take camping ... for fire building and romance :-)
What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? Take This Quiz :-)
|
|
Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you! What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-) |
What Dating TV Show Should You Go On? Blind Date!
You're fun, free spirited, and not looking to be tied down.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't date.
Au contraire, you should meet a lot of men.
And a show like Blind Date matches your relaxed approach.
What Dating Show Should You Go On? Take This Quiz :-)
geekiness!
You are a good geek. Congratulations, you can
navigate the real world and still maintain the
things that make you a geek.
how seriously geeky are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Friday, April 02, 2004
I love Spring..
I love music.
Song of Goodness: Bobby McFerrin - Circlesong 5
My neck's still hurting. I was hoping that it would be better by today but oh well.
Mom opened all the windows in the apartment today. Yay. I love it when it's warm enough to open the windows... it was a little bit chill but I put on some sweat pants and a sweatshirt and I was ok. I walked over to the sliding door and looked outside, I heard voices and I was once again reminded how much I love being in populated areas.. not really peaceful, quiet area but not areas where people are yelling or fighting all the time either... A nice feeling of not being alone in your house/apartment complex is nice. I used to live in a house with houses zipping by all day and all night. Loud motorcycles roaring by at 3am was not uncommon. The wind and rain was welcome, we always heard it and when there were strong winds the house slightly swayed too. You could pretend that the wind rocked you to sleep...
I could hear people walking below us or up the path and could tell where everyone was by laying down on the floor and feeling the slight vibrations... and James and I ran around all over the place and played in the woods. The dirt smelled wonderful after it rained.. you could tell when slugs and worms were out by the smell in the air.. James stepped on a slug with his barefeet by accident when he was about 7 yrs old. He freaked out so bad because it wouldn't come off... after that I moved all the slugs off the long path (it took 80 steps to get to the car from the door- I think) even though I really did not want to even look at the slugs closely. Yucky eyes on stalks... but moving whole slugs was better than stepping on a slug and leaving half of it behind... they don't come off of shoes either...
And in the spring because it rained a lot, you could pretend that you lived in a jungle.. the trees were very green and looking outside the window you could see the vines crawing up the house and wires... there were always birds singing and little mammals messing around and lots and lots of bugs... so many that they could keep you awake at night if that sort of noise bothered you.
So last night's dreams...
I don't remember the beginning ones but I do remember...
being back at the house in Paramus that I used to live in. If you don't know, it was an old Farmhouse, green two-storied, and was on top of a hill which was on top of anotehr hill. There was a wooded area to the left of it. I dreamt something about traveling around the property and back parking lot. Maybe I was rollerblading around or running or something. I used to dream a lot about that area when I was a kid. lots of dreams about animals and I think Peter Pan and Pirates (It used to flood in that area). I think when I was 12 years old I dreamt that I tried to drive the car and accidently it fell down the hill separating the wooded area and the parking lot and that it got stuck on that hill.. a bear came and sat on the hood and I was stuck in the car with some other ppl... ANywAy... back to this decade.. hehe..
I dreamt that a big running course had been placed next to the wooded area. It was really neat and had hills and stuff and was at least 10 miles long and had intersections. Anyway, teams from all over that area of the country came to competatively run there. From the porch of my house I watched teams run by. A girl with her mother came by for a piano lesson and I let them inside... I think I folllowed with my brother. The inside had been renovated with lots of nice dark colors.. I very clearly remember a dark prism mobile hanging in my room. I think I ate a popsicle. I went back to the porch. I think that weeks went by and teams came back to run again. I decided that I should at least say 'Hi'. I joined a crowd of people and I went up to my coach and said Hey while he was like looking at some clipboard and a watch while prople ran by... he said "What are you doing here, Jan?" Hmm.. don't remember much else. I think I just smiled, said "nothing" and found some friends to hangout with...
This next part was kinda strange. I think I beamed up to a ship with a friend. It couldn't have been my brother because it was a guy that was much... wider than him. My bro right now is barely holding at 150lbs. This guy had very big shoulders.. I think he might have been a football player. I had that feeling you get when you know that you have lots of friends and are popular. I think we were either doing something for school, church fun, or just for fun. We beamed up to a large gymnasium in a ship. No windows, and I don't recall any doors. Either a guy friend with a camera beamed up to or the camera was remote controlled by some friends below. In the gymnasium a dance class full of little girls with bowed black shoes was practicing. Little orange cones were lined up in the floor as the girls were all lined up. Their teacher was a petite woman who looked very nice. She just smiled at us as we watched. We moved away and mimicked them in front of the camera, the girls didn't even notice we were there. Then images of magazines popped into my head and we pretended to go down a catwalk and do gymnastics and stuff. We had a good time and laughed a lot...
Song of Goodness: Bobby McFerrin - Circlesong 5
My neck's still hurting. I was hoping that it would be better by today but oh well.
Mom opened all the windows in the apartment today. Yay. I love it when it's warm enough to open the windows... it was a little bit chill but I put on some sweat pants and a sweatshirt and I was ok. I walked over to the sliding door and looked outside, I heard voices and I was once again reminded how much I love being in populated areas.. not really peaceful, quiet area but not areas where people are yelling or fighting all the time either... A nice feeling of not being alone in your house/apartment complex is nice. I used to live in a house with houses zipping by all day and all night. Loud motorcycles roaring by at 3am was not uncommon. The wind and rain was welcome, we always heard it and when there were strong winds the house slightly swayed too. You could pretend that the wind rocked you to sleep...
I could hear people walking below us or up the path and could tell where everyone was by laying down on the floor and feeling the slight vibrations... and James and I ran around all over the place and played in the woods. The dirt smelled wonderful after it rained.. you could tell when slugs and worms were out by the smell in the air.. James stepped on a slug with his barefeet by accident when he was about 7 yrs old. He freaked out so bad because it wouldn't come off... after that I moved all the slugs off the long path (it took 80 steps to get to the car from the door- I think) even though I really did not want to even look at the slugs closely. Yucky eyes on stalks... but moving whole slugs was better than stepping on a slug and leaving half of it behind... they don't come off of shoes either...
And in the spring because it rained a lot, you could pretend that you lived in a jungle.. the trees were very green and looking outside the window you could see the vines crawing up the house and wires... there were always birds singing and little mammals messing around and lots and lots of bugs... so many that they could keep you awake at night if that sort of noise bothered you.
So last night's dreams...
I don't remember the beginning ones but I do remember...
being back at the house in Paramus that I used to live in. If you don't know, it was an old Farmhouse, green two-storied, and was on top of a hill which was on top of anotehr hill. There was a wooded area to the left of it. I dreamt something about traveling around the property and back parking lot. Maybe I was rollerblading around or running or something. I used to dream a lot about that area when I was a kid. lots of dreams about animals and I think Peter Pan and Pirates (It used to flood in that area). I think when I was 12 years old I dreamt that I tried to drive the car and accidently it fell down the hill separating the wooded area and the parking lot and that it got stuck on that hill.. a bear came and sat on the hood and I was stuck in the car with some other ppl... ANywAy... back to this decade.. hehe..
I dreamt that a big running course had been placed next to the wooded area. It was really neat and had hills and stuff and was at least 10 miles long and had intersections. Anyway, teams from all over that area of the country came to competatively run there. From the porch of my house I watched teams run by. A girl with her mother came by for a piano lesson and I let them inside... I think I folllowed with my brother. The inside had been renovated with lots of nice dark colors.. I very clearly remember a dark prism mobile hanging in my room. I think I ate a popsicle. I went back to the porch. I think that weeks went by and teams came back to run again. I decided that I should at least say 'Hi'. I joined a crowd of people and I went up to my coach and said Hey while he was like looking at some clipboard and a watch while prople ran by... he said "What are you doing here, Jan?" Hmm.. don't remember much else. I think I just smiled, said "nothing" and found some friends to hangout with...
This next part was kinda strange. I think I beamed up to a ship with a friend. It couldn't have been my brother because it was a guy that was much... wider than him. My bro right now is barely holding at 150lbs. This guy had very big shoulders.. I think he might have been a football player. I had that feeling you get when you know that you have lots of friends and are popular. I think we were either doing something for school, church fun, or just for fun. We beamed up to a large gymnasium in a ship. No windows, and I don't recall any doors. Either a guy friend with a camera beamed up to or the camera was remote controlled by some friends below. In the gymnasium a dance class full of little girls with bowed black shoes was practicing. Little orange cones were lined up in the floor as the girls were all lined up. Their teacher was a petite woman who looked very nice. She just smiled at us as we watched. We moved away and mimicked them in front of the camera, the girls didn't even notice we were there. Then images of magazines popped into my head and we pretended to go down a catwalk and do gymnastics and stuff. We had a good time and laughed a lot...
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