Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Is this good or Bad?

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability |||||||||||| 34%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 38%
Assertiveness ||||||||| 26%
Activity Level ||||||||||||||| 42%
Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||| 34%
Enthusiasm ||||||||| 30%
Extroversion |||||||||||| 34%
Trust |||||||||||| 38%
Morality |||||||||||| 34%
Altruism ||||||||| 26%
Cooperation |||||||||||| 38%
Modesty ||||||||||||||| 42%
Sympathy ||||||||| 30%
Friendliness |||||||||||| 34%
Confidence ||||||||| 30%
Neatness ||||||||| 30%
Dutifulness ||||||||| 30%
Achievement ||||||||| 30%
Self-Discipline |||||||||||| 38%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 35%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 46%
Volatility ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Depression ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Self-Consciousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Vulnerability ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 42%
Imagination ||||||||| 26%
Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||| 46%
Introspection |||||||||||| 38%
Adventurousness |||||||||||| 34%
Intellect |||||||||||| 34%
Liberalism ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Openmindedness |||||||||||| 40%
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


Hmm... I dunno. These results seems to contradict each other when looking at the "Big 30 Key". I don't know how much faith to put in this test... Oh well. Many of an individual's characteristics contradict each other anyway but I don't think that this test got it quite right...

I don't believe that I'm so self-involved to totally disregard and disagree with anything just because I don't like it. I simply don't think that this test had a very accurate way to gauge one's Personality... circumstances always change how one acts and I feel as if this test didn't take into account circumstances..

One may have a manipulative side yet control it so well that it never shows... because they are so religious or have high morals... hmm.. And what about the different masks some wear... I, myself, can appear to be the most cheerful, energetically unrestrained, unassuming, and giving of all people in one point of my life and a few days later, away from the people I interact with, be introverted, sedate and maybe even callous... with an ability to switch as the occasion warrants...

I would try to think more on this and explain it better but my neck is really a distracting pain and my stomach hurts from lack of food... Perhaps these feelings influenced my results.

Aurgh!!!

Song for today: Luna Sea - In My Dream

I woke up today with the worst pain in my neck.. I must have pulled/sprained/cramped a muscle... grrrrrrrr... I can't even move my head. Don't you hate that? I'm seriously considering putting some ice, then heat on it but that never seems to do anything. I want like.. a visit to Sickbay on the Enterprise D and let a nice Doctor or Nurse wave that magic wand over it and make it better...


And today while logging into AIM I discovered that James has made 2 more screen names!! The dummy! He only has like 10 names on his list! I have 85 and I still only use the same screenname since highschool! James now in total has about 7 screennames! The dummy!


And now for some dreams.

I typed out a rough list in notepad before I forgot them all. I'll have to rewrite them in this space later.. as soon as I figure out what order they were in...



The store. Walking in for dinner at the place I worked at a odd time
a woman there was talking about her job there
how she thought she'd get fired if she wore gaudy clothes
she placed with teh zipper of her over fleece shirt



wediing
rings 3 ETTE and V
boys playing with cemetary graves in the sand

the store afterwards, carrying a flat cake through the back
passing the asian chef there

getting into a black SUV
driving South
metting those women in the 2 cars..

asking about a place in NYC
colorful horses and elephants coming behind the vehicle

morphing into a large cavern of art on the floor
animals painted on the floor
American museum of national art




Driving along a wasteland.. either of ice or snow or maybe salt in utah in the SUV
stopped at someone's house.
looked around.
a short, long table have about 12 little seats,
each with a pair of little glove sized bears
walkie takie/phone bears for each of the children
in case they go outside - they wouldn't get lost.




Volleyball
teaching the new Freshman at PHS how to pass right/move right
with Christine Enrique. She got up and wanted to show them some dancing moves
I was wondering why I had the job to teach PHS girls when I never played VB...
odd.




visiting.. somewhere with my family
A Dairy Queen bus
The guy running the bus stops in the middle of the road

no one on it but me and James

he tells us to help ourselves

the icecream stations - icecream valvesfrom the ceiling
I get vanilla and try a green one

I could make a DQ candy milkshake
pressed some buttons -
I was worried that I pressed the button to restart the laundry; the clothes should be at the drying stage and I
didn't have enough time to wait until they get washed again

Conversation was a casualty of the invitation.

Song of Goodness: Muse - Falling Away With You
:) Lovely beginning...

This is me on NetZero. So far it seems.. better than AOL. At least it didn't take hours to install. I literally fell asleep at the computer when I tried to upgrade AOl to 9.0. But now, oh yes, now AOL is no more on this comp! Yay! It was removed and deleted. A whole 1/2 GB is free! And I bet more will be present when I defragment..






I really must start running tomorrow.






Tuesday, March 30, 2004

"You know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply because it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a flavor of mortality in lies--which is exactly what I hate and detest of the world--what I want to forget. It makes me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do...

Do you see the story? Do you see anything? It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream--making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream-sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which is of the very essence of dreams... No, it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We life as we dream--alone...

The others might have been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I listened on the watch for the sentence, for the word, that would give me the clue to the faint uneasiness inspired by this narrative that seemed to shape itself without human lips in the heavy night-air of the river."


Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad

Monday, March 29, 2004

Crocodile sneezes...

Song of Goodness: Muse - Hysteria
I'm not really in a Muse mood at the moment.. more like a mellow Moby mood but I'm not at my music comp so I'm just gonna put this Muse song up because I really really wanted to use it Friday...

My dumb ears keep filling up with fluid. I take decongestant and they are fine for a day or two, then fill up again. Grr..

Dumb ears.. and I'm so cold today! :(

James was watching something on the History Channel about the Civil war battles. When I see things like this I can't stop thinking about how nice it would have been to bring some colodial silver, antibiotics and clean bandages and save all the arms/wounds/lives that were taken from archiac medical practices and/or lack of supplies/adept practicioners. Hmmm...

I just saw a commercial playing one of my favourite songs... I had a cassette tape called Medicine Man by.. ? I'm so upset that I can't find a CD let alone a listing of it anywhere.. I plan to do an internet serach on it sometime soon. *sob* I need that CD!

So the phone line in the room with the main computer is down. The phone company placed a jack there just last month. It took awhile to convince them to come and fix their problem, we're not paying for it. >:| I'm so happy that we are going to DL a new web server.. AOL stinks so we're switching! Yay! Of course I really want cable but oh well. I have to wait until we're somewhere we know we'll be for a long time...

I woke up with an area of my neck sore that I think is that gland area.. hmm.. I don't recall doing anything to make that part sore.. perhaps those situps two days ago? Weird.



Crocodile Dreams

The earliest I can remember:
This is a bit fuzzy. I was working on a computer at a middleschool, I walked home stopping by a small store on the wayhome. It was similar to a dollar store but not everything wasa dollar. I wanted to buy something for the sister missionaries because they were comin over for dinner soon but I didn't have either time or money and i continued home. The next time I got to the store eithe rmy mom or Wayne was there and i didn't get what I wanted. I think it warped into a grocery store.. I remember looking at large packets of easter eggs in those plastic wire bags... I think we went to the chekout and wanted a large box, but the box at the check out had toys in it. I dumped the toys out into a display toy bin at the head of the checkout isle... it was full of red headed dolls dressed in pirate outfits... a child behind me was terrified of the dolls.. I have no idea why. The mom thought that they were adorable and waved a black piarte hat around. But I understood how the kid felt and I felt responsible for them since I left them there so I gathered them up in a shopping cart. I went off into the large store looking for the toy/doll isle to put them back. My stepfather had gone before me so I had to look for him too.. I don't remember much else of this part...

The next part that I recall I was in an area like Paramus in some woods.. at the end of the forest was a road.. like Forest Ave. I was studying the wildlife. I was happy to note that the forest was quite full of natural debri and a small pond held a few happy crocodiles. I was happy to note down on my noteboard that the ecosystem was fine even though there were some crocs. The crocodiles payed me no notice so I traveled along the road (about 30 feet away tangent to the road) left into the next plot of park. Here, at the end closest to the road the area was just dirst.. like it had been recently cleared. I could easily see the pond and the crocodiles and they were mad. A few came menacing at me, I made for the road. There was a crocodile at the right that ran at me and i dodged, a crocodile at the left also threatened me and I made it to the sidewalk before the street. I was afraid because the crocodiles could lunge at me and bite a leg off at any time yet I had to wait for the cra traffic to let me cross. The crocodiles were quickly walking towards me so I chanced it, I jumped into the edge of the road, close enough so that the approaching car could miss me if I were semi- in the way but enough that I hoped that the car would scare the crocs off. The car stopped and I darted across the street.

I was in a residential area so I walked over to the nearest house.. recognized it so I traveled along back to the area behind it.. there was a house there but I was met by another threatening crocodile! I freaked out and dodged the other way, running around the house and hoping that I would be able to outsmart the animal. Somehow I made it to the fence in fromt of the outside stairs at the front of the house wand walked up them. I opened the door to the top apartment.. it was the Apartment of Jana and her roommates.. hmm.. The first room was a type of kitchen/dining room and there were two sinks. I was surprised to note that the large utility sink at the far left of the room held a tied up crocodile. I had thought that I had gotten away from crocs for the moment but I was wrong. Kate, the runner, came in a friend and explained that they had tied a croc up to study it and figure out why it was acting so strange, and where it had come from. I noticed on the right that in the other large utility sink that there was a decaying body.. ug. Someone (maybe I just rationalized it to myself) explaine dthat it was for Kate's homicide investigation class and that she had picked up this latest corpse to study it. Hmm.

Someone came in and I asked if the croc was still outside their house, he said either no or that he had captured it so I decided that it was time to go home and said goodbye. I hoped that there were no more crocodiles outside. I ran outside and up the hilly street to my house without meeting any crocs. It started to get dark. I quickly ran up the dangerously steep hill in front of my house (dangerous because if you fall, you land on the street below you which is actually a blind area for cars that turn right) and was relieved that I made it, that I was home.

I don't remember much of what happened in the transition.. I next remember something about the Weasley's. like my version of a Weasley called me up or something. I next remember pushing a huge box (bigger than me) full of my stuff for Hogwarts/or other school. The box had a cloth cover at the top holding clothes of other items in. I was pushing it up the hill on the road, the road was deserted of cars and I was safe. I met up with a Weasey that had a similiar box and whom was pushing it he same way. I felt as if it was one of those things that you do determinedly when you feel like you don't have an alternative way of doing it. Anyways.. we traveled a little ways to the school and as we got to the school is morphed halfway to a type of train station. For some odd reason, an Out-of0character Snape came and put a spell on the boxes so that they would float lightly in order to make it easier for us. I remember wondering why he would ever make anything easier for Harry Potter while I navigated my box into the freight area of the train. I think that that was the end of any coherant dreaming... aka I started to wake up.

*kicks her blog*

Saturday, March 27, 2004

a painfull pulse in my neck

Song of Goodness: Muse - Running out of Time


Snape must be my Angst Muse.

weird dreams.. I remember walking upstairs in a large storage building.. at the top was a large room. I suppose I was there for a job. There was a man in charge and a preteen boy working there. I think it might have been Snape and Potter. Weird huh? There was an old rickety piano on one side, the keys unaligned from age but still on the right notes.. playable. Further down the wall was a pile of trash. Further down was a door leading to.. an outside roof?

Across from the pile of tras on the otehr wall was a bed roll.. Potter's space where he slept and kept his belongings. I was told to clean up the pile of trash, I felt as if it was to give Potter a break for the day. I remember throwing cradboard in a big wastebasket and picking up a packet of blood.. I placed it in the nearby small blood wastebin. You know the kind that come up to your knees and say BioHazard on the front with the lid you use your foot to open.

After all the trash was picked up I noticed that the floor under the now-gone wast pile was covered in oil.. newspaper was spread out over the floor under the are the pile used to be at and was also covered in oil.. I wanted to clean that up but I realized that it would be a waste of time. It would take forever and it would just get dirty again. I then decided that I wanted to wash my hands.
Next, I remember being at our apartment getting ready for a shower... for some reason we had a lot of guests visiting. I went into my room to get a change of clothes and when I walked back into the bathroom it was completely empty. All white. A woman was cleaning the place and had moved everything, even the sink out. She transformed into Leigh from the XC team and explained to me that she wanted to show her appreciation for having the team stay over and repay by cleaning up the bathroom.

She was wearing yellow gloves and wiping brown.. fungi off the tile under a mirror. Somehow I got her to leave and place the more important items back in the bathroom. I noticed some clear shower curtain hanging against a wall in the bathroom so I replaced them around the tub. So then I started to take a shower. A man walked in, I suppose the lock hadn't been replaced and I got annoyed. He was just standing there and I told him to get out and stop bothering me. I think it was Snape. I wasn't feeling embarrased, just annoyed that he didn't listen to me so I kept telling him to get out for the afe of modesty.

He just stood there, watching me. It was the same feeling from that movie- girl interrupted when the girl had to be watched while taking a bath so that she didn't kill herself. I didn't have any reason to kill myself or be watched but he did watch with a displaced professionalism. Perhaps he was learning how muggles take showers? Maybe he needed to learn how to wash his hair... haha. I think at least one other man entered the room and just stood there.. someone that reminded me a bit of how Mr Hyde looked like.. finally as I was quickly shaving my legs and praying that I wouldn't cut myself, a middle aged lady came in and shooed them out.
She promised to come back and do my hair for the wedding/funeral? I got out, dried off and got dressed in a nice dress. Perhaps we meant to go to church but it was a sleeveless dress so I don't know.

The group of people that I was with.. I think it was all relatives of some sort walked up to some kind of huge UFO... it ws perfectly safe and only held human-like species though. I passed an area where a Disney crew was interviewing children to be on a show or something. Some kids in our party went there. The rest of the more-grownup people walked into another room for a meeting. It was circular and I don't recall if there were any chairs but I do remember a screen being projected into the middle of the room over a circular stand.
Apparently someone, perhaps some long lost older, almost crazy uncle of mine was going to come visit and needed a place to stay. Oddly enough, Snape volunteered for him to stay in his flat in the city... that's all I recall.

Friday, March 26, 2004

iron doesn't rust green

Looking at the old fence surrounding the graveyard, I pointed out that it looked quite old.
"No," James said, "it could be ten years old and still look this bad."
"But look!" I said pointing out the brownish spots, "that's not paint!"
He thought I was talking about the cracking copper-green paint. "Haha, iron doesn't rust green!"


So today James and I walked 4 miles. We walked down the very long street to a bead shop and looked through everything. We then visited the ity bity library (it's in an old house) and explored the little grocery- they have the best strawberries! Unfortunately we hold only $2 and it was $2 a lb so we couldn't buy any.. :(

Hmm.. dream
Last night I dreamt about how my family moved to this really big apartment. Large rooms, very white. It had a similar feeling to the over-largeness you find in Cybertown virtual homes when you get a new one. Some people my age or a little bit over came over to visit.. I remember showing them around and we past my brother's room and looked into a guest/baby room... there was a twin sized bed in it with dark teal covers.. I agreed to go with the people somewhere.. maybe a dance. We left.

I next remember being in a YSA conference/retreat. It was in a cleaner, less populaed Manhatten looking area. More suburban. I remember going to some institutional facility for breakfast and seeing someone that reminded me of Jesschan only I didn't know her. Most of the ppl there ignored me... I remember getting on an almost emppty subway with no destination in mind, worried that Iwould get lost or that someone would be mad that I left. I then somehow met up with some girls that reminded me of Sister Missionaries and we drove back to the conference in an old SUV that they had borrowed. We parked in some far off, empty parking lot and I was puzzled wht we had parked so far away if most of the place was empty. They said something about the cops telling them to park in their designated place and how someone's brother would be mad if the car got towed... I remember going into some sort of orchestra hall to sit down in anticipation of a theatrical production. I don't recall much else.

Monday, March 22, 2004

with my elbow on my knee

Songs of Goodness: Black Angel from the Anime Weis Kreuz

I must have been spending too much time on the computer because my eyes feel tired already. I've been battling spyware and deleting files from the registry that are just made up of numbers and such. *rubs eyes* I hate Winpup. What's really ironic is that I'm stuck on a dial-up connection so any popups that do pop up are closed before they even have a chance to load. *laughs* Not to mention the popups that popup when I'm not even connected... Must get firewall. No, must get new computer with Linux and a cable connection.. yesss....

I was going through my old Data discs just now looking for Furuba pics to replace my startup pic of Windows. Right now it's a like a 10x10 pixels default paint pallete bmp. I have no idea what happened to it. lol. Well anyway, I absoluely LOVE Fruits Basket. The artwork is so beautiful, lovely to look at. *sigh* I love Furubaaaa....

Sunday, March 21, 2004

music of the night...

I absolutely love The Phantom of the Opera.

Love it.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Birthdays

Song of Goodness: Trigun - Sound Life

So today is my mother's birthday. James and snuck out of the apartment and visited the little shops around.. we actually didn't find anything we could buy for her at them so we went to CVS and Walgreens. :}

Greeting Cards: We looked in CVS for a nice Birthday card. I had already been through several different sections and picked out a few nice ones.. as I went to another area James lost some of his patience and said "Don't give into the cards!" I though that was silly... lol. Poor James is less that worthless when it comes to shopping. He just stands around. When I looked at hair ties at first he pointed out some ones I didn't like. I was like, "Really? You like those better? Okay maybe we should get those instead. I thought that these would go better with the coloring but if you think that those are better than get them." He then started spazzing out and said he couldn't choose. Silly boy. As we browsed the different Easter items he half-seriously and half-jokingly told me that he had long decided to bring a coin with him for any shopping adventures to help him make choices. He had forgotten to bring one today. I told him to flip a nearby sandal instead.

I commented on how this semi-urban area where we live is annoying.. we have to use the cross walk button twice when crossing one street- there's a rest stop in the middle of the street. Have you ever noticed that electronic cross walks only flash the walk sign for the amount of time it takes you to get halfway across the street? I guess eight or maybe ten lanes of traffic is too long to be safe with the time alloted for one electronic crosswalk. ;) I had been afraid that I had lost my street crossing savy after moving away from a close-to-NYC suburb to South Carolina. I'm quite sure that I have it back now...

Harry Potter. I just purchased the fourth Harry Potter book in paperback. So now I have books 1, 3, and 4 in paperback and book 5 in hardcover. I'm not aware of seeing book 5 in paperback.. the longest book yet, it would have to be thicker than it is wide... ;) and book 6 and 7 are going to be even longer! :)

I'm making my mom a two-layer chocolate birthday cake. I'll cover it in chocolate frosting and put colorful star spinkles on top.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

disturbed dreams

James came home yesterday. :) I slept through it so I have yet to see him. I bet he has a tan.


I know I already used this song last week but I really really like it and it's fitting with today's dreams. It's already up to 101 counts on my playlist.
Song of Goodness: Marilyn Manson - Redeemer


I had some pretty disturbing dreams last night. The recollection won't be as fluid or complete as they are simply because I'm quite confused as to what happened.. I wasn't able to hold on to the order of events as I laid in bed...

The earliest I can remember: I was at college, in a track related dorm (only 1 story). The halls were more like the kind you find in highschools, wide, bright and shiny marble pattern floor. The rooms were a little bit smaller than real high school classrooms. I was in one room that had been transformed into a track office. The connecting room (wooden doors were built in the far side like in Middle school) was also part of the office. I was walking around and somehow was given charge of a freshman student. Okay, this is where it gets weird. The interested student was a male, but his body reminded me of a walrus. I think he was purple, and couldn't speak at all. Some kind of strange alien animal. His parents were there.. either they were Sweedish (like the parents of the fat boy in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) or American farmers but they thought their little boy was the best thing in the world! They left to eat lunch and I was stuck babysitting this montrosity. He wanted my complete and undivided attention, like a newborn. He kept rolling over and I was afraid that I was going to get smushed. I think he wore a cow bell too or some sort of leash. Luckily his parents came back but I was horrified to learn that he was going to be staying! They were leaving him there! Well this dream has a surprise ending. I left him in that room to unpack and settle in. the next time I saw him he put on his University uniform and he transformed into a pudgy, short, PINK/Peach colored boy. And he was able to throw a shot-put hundreds of feet away. Hmm..

Note to self: Do NOT ReREAD This PART! Ever! please.
The second part of my dream really really freaked me out. I know that I'm missing a large part of what happened before it but my subconcious must be blocking it or something. I can't remember it. I walked into a house at night with my partner, there may have been a couple of people with me but I am only completely positive of only one. So this house that we were walking into used to belong to some sort of crazy scientist, or maybe crazy murderer, maybe even an old friend and we were supposed to inspect the premises. On the floor in the first room were... little collections... hundreds of dirt, electronics, and body parts layed out in rows on the floor. Little plots, no bigger than a piece of paper lying flat. We looked closer and in my dream I transfered them up on tables. I'm missing something really important here, from before but I can't remember it! All of a sudden, reacting to perhaps music? the dirt piles moved. Long, thin hands, only bones left, flexed up to be seen. It was then that I realized that they were alive. My partner was fascinated and went through one of the piles with his hands.. we felt no malicious intent from the piles. I don't know- for some reason this makes me feel like crying. It's a dream half of sadness and half horror. It was likt these little piles were victims. My partner unearthed a doll... it was very flat. He plugged it into one of the overhead hanging electronic thing. nothing happened, we were disappointed. We left and walked to the next room, more little piles littered the floor. We went back to the first room to talk... The Doll Was Standing Up. It had a little smile on it's face as it rocked back and forth unsteadily. I think it was made of cloth. It's little head bobbed from side to side. I was deathly afraid of it, For it. We didn't know what it was...

I'm missing some parts here. I remember frantically plugging every little pile into the overhead outlets. Little heads popped up of the tables, could they talk? Could they see us? I felt that either they were children, or were adults reverted back into child minds. Were they babies forced to grow and learn in these little barely interactive doll bodies? It was the fear of the unknown and the horror of what they might have been to make this possible. Sometime during this dream I remember plugging little potted plants into the over head outlets, they were on a clean, cleared table. We were doing an experiment to see how the others were created and what would happen with these little plants that were left behind.

Child music played in the background... it was Christmas. The little dolls clung to each other and bobbed their heads to the music. Some clung onto a little rocking horse. A giant Christmas tree stood in one corner. We placed little hats on every little tiny head. We could not miss even one. I had the thought that they were all together somewhere and could see themselves through digital video cameras. The First One we activated was the only one that could peep, maybe semi talk, and was able to move a little bit more than the others. It was the only one we know could see through it's own eyes. We didn't know what the others could and could not see but if they saw themselves without a hat when everyone else had one, then it might break their little hearts. I couldn't bear the thought. And all through this, I had the fear that they didn't know right from wrong. That they might rise up and attack us, kill us either intentionally through jealousy or cruelty, or because they simply didn't know better. They could have been crying with anguish the entire time.. I didn't know what to do for them, the poor babies. The only thing that we could do was pretend with tears in our eyes that they were normal, love them, keep them secret, and hope that they didn't know just how wrong it all was.

I shall be afraid to hear the scampering of little dolls in the darkness for awhile...

This is why I never wrote my dreams down before. I would just let them fade away with the dawn...

"So instead you'll taste my pain
You say your life I'm taking, always bothering me, I can't take this anymore,
I'm failing, always smothering me
You look down on me, hey what you see, take this gift from me, you will soon be ME!
Nothing seems exciting, always the same hiding... hiiiddinggg...
It's haunting me. It's haunting me. It's haunting me. It's haunting me
It's haunting me..."


from Marilyn Manson - Redeemer


Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Fic exerpt

From Nepenthe: Forgotten Things by Semajyrrah

" Snivellus. Harry's memories from Snape's pensive of the cruel torment his father had pressed upon the dingy, awkward teenager stood out in sharp relief in his mind. Harry had a bit of difficulty connecting the gangly boy, who had perhaps never known the love of his own parents, to the man, who was smooth and flowing with movements [that] were so fluid that he seemed to fly when he walked, but the bitterness and the humiliation was still there, sharp and edgy under the polished veneer. "

tinkle tinkle :)

A haiku by Kobayashi Issa:

Don't worry, spiders,
I keep house
casually.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Gacked

Current music: Marilyn Manson - Redeemer

Woohoo! I'm 98.6 today! :) Well.. more like 98.6 at the end of the day I suppose. *sneezes* Hmm.. third time today.


Do your eyes water when you yawn several times or am I just odd and unique? My eyes positively leak at every little thing! I should practice controlling them...


Pirate Monkey's Harry Potter Personality Quiz
Harry Potter Personality Quiz
by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

Monday, March 15, 2004

quickie

A convo concerning the Jelly Bellies' version of Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans:

Jess-chan: i don't like bertie botts beans XP they taste bad haha
Jan-chan: hahaha
Jan-chan: I like the grass ones

Song of Goodness: Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe


Something I love: Harry Potter 'lost boy' angst

A line from excessivelyperky's The Birthday Present:

          "But even so, the Weasleys weren't really his. Some days he felt like
           nothing was, that everything he had was only borrowed from somebody
           else. A lifetime of Dudley's rejects."

voices flutter like breeze

Song of Goodness: Kirk Franklin - Brighter Day


Wheee! I love my curly-Q's! Just took a shower so my hair has little curls everywhere! ;)

Well my stomach still feels queasy.. been feeling sick since Saturday night. Had chicken soup and some croutons for dinner.

The folks were looking at the cost of living prices for different counties in Michigan.

I *really* need to get to the mall so I can buy a million different flavours of jelly bellies! I'm going to send Kelly my own version of Berty Bott's Every Flavour beans. She's so excited! :)


I'm going to be practicing volleyball Tuesday. Ug. My right ankle hurts as usual whenever I think of jumping around and my left knee hurts whenever I think about volleyball. ;) Silly. I'm going to see if I can just be a setter.. I've always wanted to do that! It's the funnest job! James is coming home Wednesday.. I'll see if he'll practice setting with me. I'll have to find a place to do it.. I'd rather not be outside.. the cold air is brutal to my hands. :( Haha.. I could cut some gloves up..

I was thinking about softball Saturday... I remembered those times I saw the Varsity Volleyball/softball players throwing and catching with each other before the softball preseason in the gym... how those girls always did so much, and gave so much to be good. How they would set for hours at home after a double preseason session in August of their own accord. That kind of seriousness is not something I'll likely ever forget.

hot chocolate

Song of Goodness: Garmana - Viridissima Virga - Greenest Branch
I really like Garmana. They sing Hildegard and add etheral accompainment. Mmm.. feels good.


My hair is soo silky today, I love it! :) I had my mom cut the bottoms off yesterday. I want to try the new Garnier Fructis shampoo.

Hehe.. the commercial with all the babies and new Jenkins Baby wash with lotion is soo cute!

Sunday, March 14, 2004

headache

Today's body temperature is 97.0 F

Song of Gooness: Mozart - Violin Concerto No.4 in D Major K. 218

This morning I dreamt about living in a department store. Sold furniture and electronics downstairs. I think I was with twins.. they reminded me of the girls from It Takes Two and a mother, who wore red high heeled shoes. Rather like Bella from The S!ms. I took a nap downstairs on a leather recliner. I woke up and followed the twins up an escalator to the next floor.. a private floor, nothing was for sell up there. For some reason, the woman was hiding large wads of cash in a bag and her daughters (the twins) were helping her. The man that owned the department store accompanied by a male worker was yelling at the lady. Don't remember what happened next but I did go downstairs to a corner of the store and noticed a shelf that was mostly devoid of items. It was stuff like glue and tape. As a stocker guy came around the corner I swiped the last remaining items to watch the guy go into a panic to stock everything before a customer looked for something.

hmm...

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Elusive dreaming

Song of Goodness: Kirk Franklin & Jill Scott - Kingdom Come


As I was eating the crumbs (with milk!) from the bottom of my Trix cereal I realized that they tasted just like Fruity Pebbles.




Yet again, I had some pretty strange dreams.


The earliest I can remember,

I was riding around on a bicycle through busy streets with some second cousins from Utah hanging off of it. Miraculously, I managed to keep up with traffic. Maybe i was driving a car? It was my usual, I- have-no-idea - where-I'm - going - nor- how- to -drive a- car! dream. I was twisting around in freeways and crazy New Jersey round u-turns only the area was very vibrant, clean and the grass was very green. It remined me of Dr Seus' Oh, All The Places You'll Go book. Maybe my friends and cousins were riding bicycles that were linked to mine. We past a wooded area and went up a street to some sort of building. It was clay art pasted on the side of it's largest wall and had weird arches at the entrance. It reminded me of a museum or a new park.

I guess it was some sort of school. I think that it was a very large elementary school. People were setting up folding chairs in a courtyard, getting ready for a preformance. The people I was with walked in and joined the small crowd starting to sit down. I think I remember seeing my Grandma there and baby twins in a stroller. The grown-up relatives were very annoyed with us for having wandered off to the other side of town, again. When I was younger I never appreciated art things like this so in this dream, I walked away and looked around for the practicing students. I found them in a room, my brother was there playing clarinet and goofing of with his Korean best friend. My middle school band instructor was there conducting them. I guess I was invisible because I watched them without being noticed. it was strange because I was a big High School student and didn't get to watch pipsqueak kids without being noticed and having their behaviour change accordingly. The musicians were children - most of them were people that I knew in band young again. I gave my brother his - music?instrument?a pencil? - and sat down in the front row next to some drummers. The conductor was mad because some of them left their sticks at home. The boy next to me shrugged and pulled out some pencils. The drummer boys then proceeded to do a routine in sych, one with sticks, one with pencils and others with a stick and a pencil. I was not impressed with their juvenile routine or the tiny amount of sound coming from their drum kits.

I left the room and found an older version of my brother along with some others. I think one was a Wookie. It reminded me of a command crew. We put on hiking boots and other combat things and set off for a clearing.. a wooded area surrounded it. We set off on some sort of trail. It was a challenging course, the ground was very ragged - steep levels jutted off of this hilly mountain. We climbed carefully but quickly. I think that there were other teams around, I heard them talking but I was sure that they couldn't keep up with us. We were too good. I vaguely recall some squirmishes with other groups that reminded me of the bad guys in Star Gate. We used those energy pike spear things to fight them. We traveled through wooded area, volcanic areas and mountains covered in snow. it lasted a few days. We finally finished when we came across a gigantic building hidden behing trees and in a valley in a mountain. Having finally reached our destination, we entered a side garage and dropped our gear. A commander greeted us and congradulated us on a job well done. We split up to do whatever.

I think that I went up an escalator and into some sort of cafeteria. The seating was done in a mall eating area. I remember having a plate of caesar salad with two teaspoons of dressing (don't ask, I like it that way). I then walked around the gigantic building.

I came across some kind of large sports complex area of the building. By now, the place reminded me of a futuristic school. I was on a track. Imagine a running track only bigger and wider. It was for racing some sort of horses or similar animal and had walls, maybe even a removable roof. The riders reminded me of Spanish bull fighters. Anyway, I watched some races and noticed that some of the riders got hurt and allowed their - apprentices(?) maybe younger helpers - ride for them. I watched two races where this happened and the younger, more inexperienced riders won the races! So naturally my dream warped a bit. I knew that I had taken a class of this sport and was eligable to ride so I approached my trainer (who just happened to have broken his arm or something) and offered to ride for him. He was an older man, hints of grey speckled in his hair, tan and looked very kind. His eyes sparkled as he accepted. So I suited up and got on this Star Wars style horse (it might have even been half-mechanical) and got ready to race. I had a short whip that I used to urge the beast faster. My arm started to get really sore and tired halfway in. As predicted, I won. I went back to my teacher to try to explain some of my thoughts as to how I won. I told him that the apprentices probably only won their races because they spent all day smacking cows down the paths at the ranches and as such, had very strong arms, but that they most likely would not be able to keep up with the more experienced riders in any more future races.

I then left the track and entered one of the locker rooms. All the different areas were connected and I past some volleyball girls getting ready for practice. (ONCE AGAIN the EVER PRESENT volleyball!!) I recognized most of them from my second high school and politely declined joining them. I didn't think that their practice was up to high enough standards to get sucked into. One of the girls, Kristi I think, kept trying to get me to join in. For a moment I looked at a locker and imagined what i would be like if I gave in to everything.. if I decided to play volleyball and basketball for these people and invisioned how much time and effort it would take.. how much of my LIFE it would demand. I can't remember what I decided.. I think I told them that I'd see them later maybe and continued to my next class.

I walked down a hallway and past a large room. I peeked in. It looked like maybe an amphitheater (excuse my spelling). Some teenaged guys were standing to the side at what looked like a mix bewteen a DJ table/security desk. They acted like they were movie attendants. It was night, and they were moving the room around, the large seating are was moving from the front to the back. All of a sudden, some big robot fighters warped in and started to attack the now-Security-men. Two were killed instantly but a third managed to push a warning button on the desk that alerted the school- maybe it captured the robot fighter because he started to disappear. This is where my dream started to get freaky. Before he disappeared, he shot the third man through the head. The robot disappeared, and the man slumped on the desk. I ran in immediately. The other few men were milling around confused. I realized that they were students. They had no idea what to do. I picked the shotman up, who convienetly changed into a small child who I could carry him. The bullet would in the back of his head was craddled in my hand to stop the bleeding. I didn't dare look down at his face, and ran as fast as I could out of the room and turned left. I ran down the nearest hallway on the right, knowing that a Medical instructor that I knew taught a class now. I ran in the room and in a panic interrupted the class. I ran up to the man behind the desk and overhead projector, whom was instructing the class and I exclaimed that the guy I was holding had been shot and needed immediate medical assistance. To my shock, he lifted the boy up and showed everyone in the class the gaping hole in the back of his head. I couldn't watch so I looked away and he said that it was a very classic example of blah-blah -blah. He then looked at my hand, which was covered in blood and goo and told the class that it had a great example of blah in it. Faintly disgusted, I kept my eyes off of my hand and the goo in it. The instructor then carried the boy out of the room. I started to follow but as I past the second desk I "splat!" the goo in my hand on the desk and said that if anyone wanted to have a closer look that they could. The guy sitting on the desk turned a faint greenish color. I ran out and tried to catch up to the instructor.

When I exited the room, I was faintly panicked because I had lost sight of them but I spotted them down a hallway. The Instructor called for me. We walked through an office area and into a medical laboratoy. The instructor placed the boy on something and had it sent away to another doctor, another room. Time past with no one doing anything constructive to try to help this boy and I was started to get freaked out. You don't just sit around for an hour trying to contact different doctors before taking care of a gunshot wound! The boy was most probably dead by now. When I expressed this to the instructor he gave me a telephone number to call to see if one of the doctors was in. I went over to the telephone and started to dial the number. I actually didn't remember the number at first so I repeated it to my self a few times. it was something like 888-87895678. Lots of eights. I dialed the number over and over again, I kept messing up and it took a while to figure out that I forgot to add the 1! before the number to make sure that it was sent inside the buiding. I was mad at myself for wasting time. The blood was still on my hands. A woman in a large brown coat asked a lady if there was a place to call the airport from. I clutched the phone and tried to look busy and very involved in my phone call. I once again got a busy tone. I was very annoyed and slammed the phone down. Any further tried would be pointless. If the boy hadn't got any help my now then he was already dead. The doctors wouldn't have let him die so he must be recovering now.

I walked out a side door to the outside. A girl my age joined me. We went around looking in windows for a recovery room. She was worried about him just as much as I was. We came across a room and moved the blue curtains away from the outside (I have no idea why curtains were on the outside, not the inside). I knew that this was the room. A chair sat away from us, a woman (I think it was my 7th grade math teacher, as stern as Prof McGonagal from Harry Potter and as evil as a evil scientist from Star trek) was talking to someone in the chair. My friend said "Data!" and I tried to look over the chair. I only saw mussed black hair but I knew that it was Commander Data from Star Trek. The evil lady handed him a mirror and told him that his eyes were green and that it was normal. I knew that we had to get him out of there before the lady tried to brainwash him or something. I saw his reflection in the mirror.

That's when I woke up. I have the weirdest dreams.